Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Amazing Adventures of the Power Twins

Whenever evil rears its ugly head, have no fear! The Power Twins are always on hand to save the day! On the one hand there’s Erika armed with the ability to fly, turn invisible, shoot lightning from her hands, amazing durability, and super strength! On the other hand there is Jennifer with her spectacular ability to knit and sew, and also she has a car! Together they beat back the terrifying Tentacle Rape Monster, foiled the plot of the devious Doctor Machinegunhands, and locked away the vile Vendetta Knife Zombie! But can they surmount their deadliest obstacle yet, Andrew, who broke the sacred covenant of Secret Santa and has the power to control and manipulate ice as cold as his heart? When we last left our heroes they were on their way to his secret lair in the Canadian Arctic. Let’s check in on them now for the conclusion to their adventure.

Andrew’s had taken great precautions to establish his hideout in the least accessible location possible. To get there one had to travel many kilometers along twisty and icy roads filled with hairpin turns around steep cliffs. One wrong move would send you plummeting over the edge to a cold and lonely death. Compounding matters was the fact that it always snows heavily in this area of the world thanks to Andrew’s powers, making the road even more difficult to travel. Luckily, even the most dangerous of road conditions were no match for Jennifer and her expert driving skills.

“Are there yet?” asked Erika after a prolonged silence, “I’m bored.”

“Shut up okay! I’m trying to concentrate,” replied her irate and stressed sister.

“Sheesh! Why are you in such a bad mood?”

“We’re not exactly in the prairies right now. I kinda need to focus on the road right now.”

“You know I could just fly us there, right? It would probably be a lot faster.”

“Shut up! I can do this!”

“Okay, okay. Don’t throw a hissy fit. You don’t always need to prove that you’re useful. You can totally do stuff! We’d be freezing without those scarves you made.”

“I’m not trying to prove anything! I’m just as powerful as you!”

“Of course you are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Oh, look. We’re here!” Jennifer pointed out excitedly as they cam upon a massive ice fortress atop the mountain peak. They rushed inside and found Andrew sitting upon his icy throne with his hands clasped together and a grimace on his face.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Jenerika. I’ve been expecting you, though I must say you’re a tad late,” sneered the villain.

“We’re called The Power Twins!” shouted Jennifer angrily.

“I like the sound of Jenerika better. Has a nice ring to it don’t you agree?” inquired Andrew snidely.

“Shut up! We’re here to bring you to justice for all of your past crimes!” Erika threatened.

“We’ll see about that. Ice minions! Get them!”

At that a slew of misshapen ice creatures burst forth from the floor and charged at our heroes. Erika made short work of them with her electrical shocks. Andrew threw razor sharp ice shards at her faster than a blink of an eye, but she shrugged off the blows without a scratch. Next he attempted to freeze her in place with ice, but she broke free effortlessly. Jennifer meanwhile hid behind a rock.

“Curses!” cursed Andrew, “You may be impervious to my attacks, but I’d like to see you follow me down below the icy depths of the Arctic Sea.” And with that he hopped inside his ice submarine that was sticking out of a crack in the ice and launched into the ocean.

“How can he get to the ocean when we’re on top of a mountain?” wondered Erika aloud.

“Logic doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that we have to follow him.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Leave that to me,” said Jennifer as she broke out her knitting tools. With tremendous speed she knitted a fully-functional submarine complete with periscope. They smiled at one another, clambered inside, and gave chase to Andrew. In no time at all they had caught up with him for he believed that he was completely safe beneath the waves and was taking his sweet time. It came as quite a surprise when his radar indicated that the twins were close behind, but by then it was too late. They rammed into his starboard side and punched a rather large hole into his icy vessel. He manage to seal it back up again, by freezing the water that poured in, and he breathed a sigh of relief that the twins had not used to the opportunity to rush aboard.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” said a voice behind him. He turned in shock to see Erika materialize behind him winding up a punch. She jammed her fist into his stomach and sent him flying across the sub into the walls. He slumped down on the ground unconscious. She then piloted the ship to the surface and carried Andrews limp body to her sister’s waiting ship.

“He’s down for the count. Time to go home,” said Erika Cheerfully. Jen made a really lame pun about ice which I shall not repeat here, and they both returned to Surrey where they handed Andrew over to the prison authorities who shut him up in solitary confinement for rejecting the ways of Secret Santa. They then went and made a nice cup of hot cocoa and did weeaboo things like watch anime, read manga, speak in Japanese for no reason, fawn over their favourite androgynous characters, and cosplay.

1 comment:

  1. I think this post is 10x more entertaining when you read the dialogue in their voices.