Tuesday, July 9, 2013

15 of the Worst Star Trek: TNG Episodes

I think its safe to say that most long-running sci-fi series, no matter how good or revered they may be, feature some pretty abysmal episodes here and there that push the boundaries of disbelief just a bit too far. Sometimes it’s due to terrible costumes, make-up, or special effects. Other times the culprit is bad writing, a ridiculous plot, or poor characterization and acting. Whatever the case may be, rather than generating thought-provoking questions on humanity and our place in the universe like the best sci-fi, all these episodes manage to produce are eye-rolls and facepalms. Here are some of the worst Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes which sadly fit into this category.

S1E3: The Naked Now
TNG barely made it past the pilot episode before producing one of the silliest episodes in its seven season run. Characters we barely even know at this point just start going haywire and behaving in a ridiculous fashion. Overall its an incredibly nonsensical, uncomfortable, and awkward episode that despite all the goofiness also manages to be boring. The only good thing to come from this episode is the now immortal line it has spawned:

S1E5: The Last Outpost
This episode introduces the ferengi who were originally intended to be one of the primary antagonists of the series, but came off as so utterly ridiculous in this episode that they were forever relegated to a comic relief role from here on out. There’s also a chance they may be modeled on anti-Semitic Jewish stereotypes. To give you a taste of just how stupid they are watch this clip (keep in mind this was selected as the best moment from the episode):

S1E8: Justice
Other than being an overly preachy episode about the wrongs of capital punishment, this episode features what may very well be the most absurd costume design in the whole series. I’ll just let these images speak for themselves:

S1E22: Symbiosis
Arguably the most preachy of preachy TNG episodes, this episode is so blatantly anti-drug that I can only assume it was sponsored by Office of National Drug Control Policy. The saddest part is the episode actually begins with an interesting premise before it devolves into this bullshit:

S1E23: Skin of Evil
Tasha Yar was never my favourite character. In fact she may even be my least favourite character. So you’d think that the episode where we finally see the last of her would rank among my favourites, but they manage to botch it entirely. The supposedly deadly threat they face is about as obnoxious and dangerous as a ferengi which makes her death completely absurd, and the final “tearful” goodbye is cringe-inducing. Andrea’s death scene in The Walking Dead might actually be better.

Magic Markers: The deadliest known force in the universe.

S2E2: Where Silence Has Lease
I include this episode for one reason and one reason only, and that’s this creepy ass space god:


S2E22: Shades of Gray
The story behind this episode is that there was a writer’s strike going on at the time so to work around this they just slapped together a cheesy clip show loosely held together by some nonsense about Riker having to remember past events in order to combat a virus that feeds on memories or some bullshit like that. There really isn’t anything more to say.

S3E1: Evolution
Wesley Crusher is an annoying, twerpy character who even when he does something wrong is still somehow the perfect golden dream child. This episode best illustrates this principal as Wesley manages to almost destroy the ship, yet still somehow comes off as an all-around swell guy.  He is insufferable.

S3E21: Hollow Pursuits
This episode introduces the recurring character Barclay, the insecure and incompetent engineer. There are probably a fair number of fans who enjoy this character and the episodes that revolve around him, but I personally find him to be intolerable. I normally skip his episodes or stop watching once I realize that I do not enjoy watching him flop about ineffectually for 45 minutes.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm just not a very likable character.

S4E17: Night Terrors
One problem I have with TNG is that the female characters tend to be lame, underdeveloped, poorly written, and generally uninteresting. Consequently, the episodes that focus on them often suffer from the same problems. “Night Terrors” is a good example of this issue as Troi tries to solve the crew’s sleeping problems while dealing with a recurring nightmare of her own that only serves to put the audience to sleep. Here’s the “chilling” climax of the episode featuring Troi at her best:

S5E6: The Game
Wesley returns to the Enterprise on a visit from Starfleet Academy to deliver one of the absolute worst episodes of the series. Everyone on board becomes addicted to what is essentially a glorified game of ball in a cup, but with worse special effects. It’s up to (guess who!) Wesley to save the day along with his girlfriend, Ashley Judd. But not really, because Data (who through some contrived reason is out of commission) is immune to the game’s effects so they just reboot him at the last minute and he saves the day easy as dues ex machina. As an added bonus, this episode was the first to air after Gene Roddenberry’s death, so as if everything else wasn’t enough, this also serves as an insult to his memory.

S5E26/S6E1: Time’s Arrow
Every now and then TNG likes to do a dress-up episode (normally involving the holodeck) where characters will visit another time or place and dress accordingly. Normally they’re a bit goofy, kind of fun, and not meant to be taken all that seriously which is fine. But with “Time’s Arrow” they decided to turn it into a season ending two-part cliffhanger episode that really pushed the limits of what I was willing to accept to an extreme. The point where it went way too far was when fucking Mark Twain came back in time with them. If the entire episode had just been this parody it probably would have been better.

S7E14: Sub Rosa
Remember what I said earlier about female characters? Well now it’s Dr. Crusher’s turn for a lame episode and this time it’s about romancing Scottish ghosts! I’m actually just going to leave it at that, because nothing else really needs to be said.

Yes, that is Dr. Crusher getting sexed up by a green phantasm.

S7E19: Genesis
This is another Barclay episode, which is bad enough on its own, but even if he were absent I think this episode would still suck. In it the crew devolve into lesser life forms in a very creepy, and not always logical fashion (for instance, Barclay becomes a spider despite being human, and a wolf-like Worf attempts to mate with an amphibian Troi). It’s a bizarre episode in every respect. Maybe I just don’t get it. As usual, Data is unaffected and saves the day.


S7E20: Journey’s End
This episode is terrible for two reasons. Firstly, there’s the incredibly preachy story about Native Americans who are being kicked off of the planet they moved to which is about as subtle as an elephant riding an atomic bomb. Being that Indians are involved you know that there’s going to be a spirit quest at some point which is where the second reason this episode sucks comes in: it features Wesley Crusher. Once again he has returned, but this time he is inexplicably a moody little bitch until his spirit quest reveals to him that he is in fact a god. At which point he rides off to explore the universe because fuck Wesley Crusher.

My spirit quest is to maintain our cultural stereotype for centuries to come.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Arrested Development Drinking Game

I made this for a Season 4 marathon party without having seen it prior so although this should work well for the original series run, I'm not sure how applicable this all is to the new episodes on Netflix. I look forward to finding out.


Everybody chooses one (or more if you wish) character to be for the duration of the game.
Follow the drinking rules listed beneath your chosen character.
Ignore the rules of any unused character.
When a rule tells you to give a drink to a character give the drink to whoever is playing that character. If that character is not in play then do nothing.
Everyone follows the “Family” and “Spotting” rules.
Ignore the “Recurring Characters (RC)” rules unless one is added to your character.
Drinks given can be divided between players unless otherwise specified.


Greetings: When Buster says “Hey______” give a drink to who he’s greeting.
I’m a Monster: When someone is afraid of Buster’s hook give them a drink and take one.
Do you Have to do that Now?: When Buster is doing something inappropriate just off-screen take a drink for each character irritated by his behavior.
Milford Man: Give out 3 drinks when Buster is neither seen nor heard for a whole episode.
Don’t Mind the Hook: When Buster gives somebody a massage give a drink.
Charlie Browns: When Buster uses some sort of euphemism in place of swearing or mentioning a sexual organ come up with your own euphemism for the same word or take a drink.
Sleepy Baby: When Buster yawns in the middle of a sentence take 3 to fill the gap.
Happy Juice: When Buster craves juice chug a juice box then chase it with a drink.
Baby Buster: When Buster says something to suggest he still thinks of himself as a little boy chug a glass of milk then chase it with a drink.
Bad Genes: When somebody mentions Buster’s hole in his heart or misshapen penis remove a rule from another character to compensate. Give them a drink if they’re also missing a body part.

George Sr.

No touching!: When somebody yells this phrase take a drink if another player touches you.
Signal: When George Sr. howls like a wolf run outside and do your best howl or take a drink.
Sorry, Nellie: When George Sr. treats a puppet/doll like a real person take 3 to cover-up the crazy.
Caged Wisdom: When George Sr. has a religious awakening give a drink to everyone in the room who does not share his new-found faith.
Escape Plan: When George Sr. tries to escape give 2 if he succeeds. Otherwise take 2.
He Likes the Honey: When George Sr. ogles a young woman give a girl in the room a drink.
My Last Lesson: When a one-armed man teaches somebody a lesson teach somebody a lesson by making them drink 3.
Lesson Learned: When somebody leaves a note give a drink to that character.
There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand: When someone or something is found hiding behind a wall take 3 drinks and give 3 drinks for the loss to your family. 
Hey Uncle: When George Sr. wears a wig fool another player by giving them a rule from the RC list.


Always Upright: Take a drink when Gob rides in on a segway
The Only One Crying: When Gob cries like a little girl remove a rule from another player and make them taste your tears or a drink if they refuse.
Great Escape: Take a drink when Gob swallows a key. Give one when he regurgitates a key.
Lighter Fluid Spill: When Gob screws up a magic trick an illusion drink one with no hands.
What a Whore Does for Money: When Gob corrects somebody for calling his illusions magic tricks give a drink to whoever he corrects.
Sleight of Hand: When Gob tries to steal Michael’s food find and eat whatever it was he took or take a drink.
I fucked ­_________: When Gob brags about having sex with somebody give everyone a round.
That Hand is for Coin Tricks: When Gob punches with his right hand finish your drink. The left hand is for punching.
Cirsumvrent: When Gob can’t form a proper sentence/mispronounces a word recite a tongue twister and take a drink for every word you screw up.
What a Show: When “The Final Countdown” is played drink until it’s over.

George Michael

Afternoon Delight: When George Michael tries to kiss Maeby take one if he fails or give one if he succeeds. Wait, maybe that should be the other way around…
Careless Whisper: When somebody notes that George Michael’s name is shared with the singer finish your drink.
Got Rhythm: When George Michael tries to be a percussionist give 2 if someone takes him seriously. Otherwise take 2.
Honesty: When George Michael is misunderstood by his father give a drink to someone who just doesn’t understand you.
Star Wars Kid: When an embarrassing video of George Michael plays drink for the duration.
I Thought you were Nice: When George Michael makes fun of a family member take 5 drinks.
Made in Japan: When a jetpack is used give out 3 drinks because jet packs are awesome.
Duck: When George Michael avoids something thrown at him give a drink to the thrower.
Egg: When Ann Veal is referred to by another name or simply as “Her?” take a shame drink.
Mr. Manager: When The Banana Stand is destroyed take a rule from another player to help pay for a new one. Give them 4 drinks if you remove one that makes them drink.


You Look 13: When Maeby asks someone to marry her do the same with someone in the party and both of you take a drink to celebrate the nuptials.
Negative Attention: When Maeby does something wild to get her parents’ attention do something wild that will astound the party or finish your drink.
Surely you can’t be Serious: When Maeby pulls off a con that people somehow believe play a trick on another player by giving them a rule from the RC list.
Maybe Maeby: When a play on words is used with Maeby’s name give a drink to anyone who doesn’t notice it.
Convenience Factor: When Maeby gets a freebie the next time you would take a drink you give one instead.
To Portugal: When it becomes evident Maeby does not pay attention in school take a drink for future regrets unless you can correct her mistake.
Not Actually Related: When Maeby reciprocates George-Michael’s feelings give a drink to anyone in the party who is disturbed by their relationship and doesn’t want them to get together.
Losing It: When Steve Holt says his own name swoon and take a drink.
Showbiz Part I: When a joke is made at Fox’s expense take 3 drinks for bad memories.
Showbiz Part II: When a joke is made relating to Netflix give 3 drinks for sunny days ahead.


You can Zink your Arrow in my Buttocks: When it’s implied Tobias is gay take a drink.
At Least I’m Not the Only One: When it’s implied Barry Zuckerkorn is gay give a drink.
Never-nude: When Tobias walks around in cutoffs give a drink to whoever sees him.
Phrasing: When somebody reads The Man inside Me give 3 in celebration of success.
Missed Call: When Tobias loses out on an acting gig take 3 in sorrow.
Good Grief: When Tobias cries in the shower drink for the duration of the scene in solidarity.
I Just Blue Myself: When Tobias wears a ridiculous costume/women’s clothing add a rule from the RC list to any other character even though the only person you’re fooling is yourself.
Cat-like Agility: When Tobias moves around by rolling/pouncing/crawling out of strange places surprise one player with 2 drinks.
Big Break: When Tobias is hospitalized take a drink for everyone who comes to visit or finish your drink if nobody comes.
Money Well Spent: When Carl Weathers dispenses some money-saving advice dispense one drink to yourself for the money wasted and one to another player for the money saved.


How Hard Can it Be?: When Lindsay desperately tries to seduce a man take a drink for each failed seduction and 2 for each success.
Daddy’s Little Girl: When Lindsay wears her “Slut” shirt take a drink for each man who ogles her or finish your drink if no one does.
HOOP: When Lindsay supports a silly cause explain why an RC rule is important for the betterment of society then give it to another player.
Beak: When it’s mentioned that Lindsay had a nosejob give a drink to who said it and take one.
It’s Over: Give 3 drinks when Lindsay threatens to divorce Tobias.
One Last Shot: Take 3 drinks when Lindsay reconciles with Tobias.
You Get What You Need: When Lindsay wants what she can’t have enjoy a glass of your favorite beverage. Just kidding. You can’t have that. Take a spoonful of cough syrup.
What Will I Look Like: When a mock-up is image appears of what two characters’ baby might look like give those characters 2 drinks each or if they’re not in the game then 2 to any player.
No Way to Misinterpret That: When Bob Loblaw wants someone to be explicit tell the raciest joke you know or take 5.
Calling it Like I See it: When filming is happening for Girls with Low Self-Esteem give out a drink for each pair of breasts that are flashed in self-righteous fury.


The Help: When Lucille makes a racist comment take a drink for each person she offended.
She’s in Rehab: When Lucille drinks alcohol you also drink one. Good luck.
Suggestive: When Lucille winks, wink at a player meaning they should take 2 drinks.
She Doesn’t Like the Honey: When Lucille’s rape horn is blown give a guy in the room a drink.
Motherboy: When Lucille gets a little too uncomfortable with Buster both take a drink to repress the dirty thoughts.
That Bitch!: When Lucille 2 has a vertigo attack make another player take a drink and then spin around 10 times really fast.
The Hugest Mistake I Ever Made: When Oscar mysteriously suggests he is Buster’s father take 3 drinks to forget that regretful night.
You’re Drunk!: When Lucille is accused of being drunk take one if you are still sober. Otherwise give one.
I do not much Care for Gob: When Lucille voices her displeasure with Gob give a drink to whoever displeases you the most.
I Like it Better on Him: When Lucille mocks Lindsay’s appearance remove a rule from another player and insult them in the process. Give them a drink if it’s deemed witty.


A Shoddy Workman Blames His Tools: When Michael hurts his hand take 3 stupid.
Hypocrisy: When Michael says one thing and then does the exact opposite a few seconds later announce that alcohol is bad and should be drunken in moderation then take one.
I Need a Favor: Give a drink to whoever asks Michael for a favor.
To Phoenix: When Michael threatens to abandon his family give 5 if he actually goes through with it. Otherwise take 5.
Mr. Niceguy: Give an RC rule to another player when Michael says something that implies he is a murderer.
I Don’t Want to Believe: Take 2 when Michael fails to see an obvious truth.
And That’s When he Realized: Give 2 when Michael finally sees an obvious truth.
Sibling Rivalry: When Michael gets into a physical fight with Gob then have a drinking contest with the player of Gob. First one out gives the other a buck (or an agreed upon amount).
Comfort Food: When Michael eats candy beans to comfort himself down a fistful of Jelly Bellies with a drink to comfort yourself. It will definitely make you feel better.
Messy Divorce: When somebody makes a tasteless comment about Michael’s deceased wife make yourself feel better by giving 3.

Recurring Characters (RC)

I Wish it Was The Last Time: When Kitty flashes her tits take 5 to drown out the horror.
Hello: When Annyong says his name (either of them) take 2.
That Had to Hurt: When cops are overzealous in their enforcement of the law take a vodka shot.
Sheeple: When Bluth company employees are incompetent take 3 in exasperation.
Rest Stop: When someone states that Barry is very good take a shot of Limoncello.
Imagine If: When a Wayne Jarvis’ dramatic gesture is foiled take 4 upside-down.
He’s All Right When a doctor makes a misleading statement lean back and swallow. Your drink that is. Finish your drink.
Give me some Sugar: When Franklin knocks somebody out with a kiss take a shot of SL
Some Columbian: When Marta reappears played by a new actress take a tequila shot.
Multi-Purpose Dancers: When the Hot Cops arrive on the scene take a shot of Fireball Whiskey.


A Bluth fails to use a hammer the player of that character must crush a beer can on their head.
The Bluths put on a party the whole party takes a drink.
Somebody does a chicken dance you must also do a chicken dance or finish your drink.
Somebody makes a huge mistake the player of that character takes 3.
An incest joke is made do nothing. I don’t want you to die of alcohol poisoning.
Somebody eats an ice cream sandwich also eat an ice cream sandwich. Yum!
A Bluth misunderstands Spanish then the player of that character gives a drink.
The stair car gets a hop-on everybody must hop to their feet. The last to do so takes 3.
The model home completely falls apart then everybody finishes their drink.
Something is unnecessarily censored everyone must cover their drink. Last one takes one.

When you are the first to spot…give a drink.

A Blendin truck
A Cloudmir sign
Mr. Bananagrabber
Someone holding a “Freedom” sign
An unrelated sign in the background that reflects what is going on in the scene
A reused banner
A reference to a film/tv show/etc involving a cast member (including the narrator)
An Iraq War reference
The For British eyes only/ Mr. F theme
The “Big Yellow Joint” theme

I realize this may be a bit much for some people so feel free to cut out rules as your group sees fit.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Game of Thrones Season 1 Summary

This is for the benefit of a friend who wants to marathon season 2 with us without having seen the first season. Hopefully it should give her all relevant information so she won't be totally in the dark.


- The show is primarily set on the continent of Westeros which is roughly the size of South America. A small portion of it also takes place on a large eastern continent across the sea.

- It is a medieval fantasy world though magic and mythical creatures such as dragons have all but disappeared from the world at the start of the series. A few pockets of magic still exist however, and as the series progresses it slowly returns with greater force.

- Society essentially has a feudal structure with a king at the top, greater lords beneath him, lesser lords beneath them followed by landed knights with peasants at the bottom.

Before the Series Begins:

- For about 300 years Westeros is ruled by a line of kings known as the Targaryen Dynasty.

- The last Targaryen king, known as Mad King Arys, became crazy and violent causing several powerful lords to rise up in rebellion against him. Chief amoung them were: Robert Baratheon, Ned Stark, Jon Arryn, and at the very end of the war Tywin Lannister.

- The rebels eventually win and kill all the Targaryens except for baby Dany and her brother who escape into exile on the eastern continent.

- Robert Baratheon becomes the new king and marries Tywin’s daughter, Cersei, to solidify his rule. Jon Arryn becomes his chief advisor, and Ned Stark returns to his home, Winterfell.

- The series begins 17 years after these events.

On the Wall:

- In the far north of Westeros there is a massive ice wall that spans the width of the continent at a narrow point. This wall was built thousands of years ago to keep out whatever threats may try to come across to attack the kingdom.

- It is manned by an organization known as The Night’s Watch. Once they were proud and strong, but have since fallen into disrepair with an ever-shrinking number of recruits and crumbling castles.

- For most of their history they were tasked with keeping out the Wildlings (aka Eskimo Barbarians), but their original purpose was to keep out the White Walkers; a deadly race of ice necromancers who raise the dead and bring a terrible cold with them wherever they go.

- The White Walkers disappeared from the world so long ago that most believe they are only a legend, but at the start of the series it becomes apparent that they have returned.

- Ned Stark’s bastard son, Jon Snow, decides to join the Night’s Watch as he has little other prospects in life and believes it will be a respectable and adventurous vocation.

- Once there he makes some friends and a few enemies and eventually becomes the squire to the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.

- They learn that the Eskimo barbarians are amassing an army and that the White Walkers have almost certainly returned.

- The Lord Commander decides to lead out a large squadron to find out what the Eskimo barbarians are up to and to learn more about the White Walkers.

Across the Sea in the East:

- Dany’s brother greatly desires to reclaim the throne of Westeros, but lacks an army.

- To remedy this he decides to marry Dany to a powerful Mongolian Warlord in exchange for his military support.

- At the wedding Dany receives three dragon eggs which are looked upon as little more than valuable jewels as nobody has been able to hatch a dragon egg for hundreds of years. Dany, however feels a mysterious connection to them which builds over time.

- Although things are awkward at first, Dany and the Warlord eventually come to love one another and Dany becomes increasingly assertive of her power much to her brother’s chagrin.

- Her brother dies epically.

- After some routine raping and pillaging, the Warlord takes a flesh wound which he tries to shrug off. Dany is worried and decides it will be a good idea to have a Witch Doctor from the village they just raped and pillaged to tend to his wound.

- The Warlord dies and his army quickly disperses leaving Dany mostly alone.

- She builds a funeral pyre for her husband, ties the Witch Doctor to it, and walks into the flames with her dragon eggs.

- In the morning the dragon eggs have hatched and Dany is unscathed.

In Winterfell and The Capital:

- At the start of the series, Jon Arryn, the King’s Chief Advisor, dies under mysterious circumstances. Needing a new Chief Advisor, Robert Baratheon travels to north to Winterfell to ask his old friend, Ned Stark, to take the job.

- He comes with a large retinue which includes his wife (Cersei), his eldest son (Joffrey Baratheon), one of his bodyguards who is also the twin brother of the queen (Jaime Lannister), and their dwarf brother (Tyrion Lannister).

- Plans are made to have Joffrey marry Ned’s eldest daughter, Sansa, when they come of age.

- Ned Stark’s 10-year old son, Bran Stark likes to climb the battlements of Winterfell. One day while climbing an abandoned tower he hears a strange noise. When he looks inside he sees Jamie Lannister having sex with his twin sister, Queen Cersei. Jaime sees Bran and pushes him out the window to protect their incestuous affair.

- Bran goes into a coma. While he’s still unconscious, Ned Stark leaves Winterfell for the capital and his new job with his daughters, Sansa and Arya. His wife, Catelyn stays in Winterfell to care for Bran while his eldest son, Robb, takes charge of day to day affairs.

- While still in a coma, an assassination attempt is made on Bran’s life by an assailant using a unique dagger. The assassin is killed by Bran’s pet direwolf (btw all the Stark children including Jon Snow have pet direwolves).

- Catelyn suspects the Lannisters, and decides to take the dagger south to the capital to show to Ned so they can plan their next move.

- When Bran eventually regains consciousness he cannot remember anything that happened before he fell and he is paralyzed from the waist down.

- Upon arriving in the capital, Ned immediately sets about trying to uncover why Jon Arryn died

- He learns that shortly before his death, Jon Arryn had taken to visiting King Robert’s many bastard children, but Ned can’t figure out why.

- Catelyn shows up with the dagger and they are told by her old friend and current finance minister, Littlefinger, that it belongs to Tyrion Lannister.

- Catelyn travels back to Winterfell and on her way north she happens to meet Tyrion in an inn.

- Catelyn takes Tyrion prisoner which pisses off his father, Tywin Lannister, who amasses his army in response.

- Ned eventually figures out that Jon Arryn had discovered that King Robert’s children aren’t actually his, but Jaime’s. Ned assumes that Queen Cersei learned of this and had Jon Arryn killed before he could reveal her secret.

- Ned sends a letter to King Robert’s younger brother, Stannis, informing him of the truth and that he is now the rightful heir to the throne.

- King Robert's youngest brother, Renly, also knows the truth but wants the throne for himself. He discreetly heads south to gather support for his bid to the crown.

- Knowing that King Robert will kill Cersei and her children when he finds out, Ned speaks to Cersei and advises her to flee the capital and go into exile before he tells Robert the truth.

- Instead Cersei has Robert killed before he learns of the truth, buys off the city guard, has Ned thrown in prison, sets up Joffrey as king, and establishes herself as regent.

- All the men Ned brought down with him are killed, Sansa Stark is kept under guard in the castle, and Arya Stark manages to escape and disguises herself as a street urchin.

- This pisses off Robb Stark who amasses his army and marches south to confront the Lannisters.

- Tyrion, meanwhile, uses his wits to escape Catelyn’s clutches and meets up with his father.

- The Lannister and Stark forces fight a few battles with Robb Stark winning pretty decisively and taking Jaime Lannister captive which gives him a bargaining chip for his father, Ned Stark.

- Unfortunately, King Joffrey is an idiot and executes Ned Stark.

- Arya escapes the capital by pretending to be a recruit for The Night’s Watch.

- Disgusted with King Joffrey, Robb Stark’s army declares Robb “King of the North” and decide to separate from the kingdom.

- Tired of Cersei and Joffrey being retarded, Tywin Lannister sends Tyrion to the capital to act as the Chief Advisor and keep things under control.

Here's a flowchart I made detailing mostly all of the major characters from the first season and how they relate to one another.