Saturday, August 7, 2010

Things That Piss Me Off

So anybody who even marginally pays attention to my blog know that its not very difficult to get me angry. If an ant so much as looks at me funny, I may very well snap. Stupid fucking insects. Think they own the place just because there's an infinitesimal amount of them. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Point is, a lot of things piss me off. But I've compiled a list of some of the most aggravating things that really grate my nerves. If you've done any of things on this list then I am probably peeved at you. If you've done all of them, then I hate you with a passion of Herculean proportions.

Finger Mustaches
Seriously, fuck finger mustaches. There is nothing on God's Green Earth lamer than a finger mustache. If at any point in your life you have drawn a mustache on your finger and then placed it under your nose, you are a douche.

Misleading Tags on Videos/Blogs/Forums
So I am browsing on YouTube, looking for the latest videos on hypnosis induced orgasms, and I click 0n one video with some promising tags only to discover that its some chick playing the ukulele. What the hell is that all about. If I wanted to watch somebody play the ukulele, I'd just watch this guy seeing as how he actually has talent. Seriously people, just be honest with your tags. You're not doing yourself any favors by lying. Sure you may get a few extra hits, but you'll just end up pissing off and alienating your fellow Internet users. That's why I don't put any tags on my blog posts at all, in case somebody feels cheated.

Linking Music Videos on Facebook
I don't think I could care less about who your favorite hipster band of the month is. And I certainly don't want to watch their music video. All it does is clutter my newsfeed and distracts me from more important things, like the latest news on how to induce orgasms via hypnosis.

Not Having 10 Followers or More
Ok, if you're reading this blog right now, but you aren't listed as one my followers, then you should remedy that situation right now or face my eternal disappointment. It really doesn't take that long to do and goddammit I wanna see double digits!

Going to Somebody's House Expecting to Have Good Time and then Playing Rock Band/Guitar Hero for Hours on End Instead
I've been having to deal with this since grade 9 and boy am I sick of it. It seems that every party you go to has one of these games set up and once people start playing it, they pretty much keep playing it all night long. Somebody will suggest maybe mixing things up a bit which will be met with a few grunts from the others, but there's no stopping the music once it starts. They keep saying, "Just one more song," but then somebody else says, "I want one more turn," but "one more" turns into 100, and it only ends when people start to get hungry. If you must bring a rhythm game, at least have the decency to leave it turned off until one hour before dinner. Or better yet, just download Audiosurf and never bother me with either of these games ever again.

Ignoring My Requests to Play L4D/L4D2/TF2 With Me
Sometimes when I am bored, I'll try to get some friends together for some zombie slaying and/or noob slaying action, but my efforts are often met with mixed results. I'll invite maybe 10 people to a game, at most maybe 2 people will join me, 3 others will politely decline, but the other half just fucking ignore me like I am not even a person. You might as well just be saying, "I fucking hate you, but I don't have the energy to tell you that or remove you from my friends list." Goddamn, why do you have to be such a dick/bitch? What did I ever do to you? I am a perfectly affable guy.

Lame Excuses
The only thing I hate more than no excuse at all, is a terrible one. Now I have one particular friend who has mastered the art of terrible excuses. He drops them so often that I have become eternally disappointed in him approximately 100 times over. Which means that the universe can begin and end at least 99 times, and my disappointment will still be lingering. Some of his doozies include, "I haven't eaten dinner with my parents in a few days so I need to go," "I am tired," " I have to attend a church function/band camp/a regatta/a date with my gf," "I am going saxophone shopping," and the list goes on. But nothing tops the one I heard recently from a completely different friend who said, "I have to work on a group project." Really? A group project? In the middle of August? That's your excuse? Why don't you just come out and say it? You hate us. You hate us all more than I hate the entire ant species. And just what did we do to make you hate us so much? Was it because I tried to put you under hypnosis and induce an orgasm? That was it wasn't it? I warned you what you were getting into. You knew the risks. I am not responsible for your inability to bear children!

As an aside, only one of the items on this list is actually a pet peeve of mine. Bonus points to whoever can correctly guess which it is.


  1. I'm afraid I can't count you as a person Also Damian.

  2. You and your silly crush on me.
    It's rockband, isn't it?

  3. Indeed it is Rock Band, though I've just kinda learned to accept it at this point. Congratulations, you win the bonus points.