Saturday, July 24, 2010

Vampire Girl Part 2

Oh man. If you thought part 1 was retarded, you haven't seen nothing yet. Against my better judgment, my friends convinced me to introduce a character more retarded than any other character yet seen. And then I decided to up the ante and add a pretty retarded character of my own. Enjoy.

(Lucy and William are sitting together in class)

William: That girl is giving me the creeps.

Lucy: What girl?

William: The one who's turned around completely in her chair and has been staring at me for the past 20 minutes.

Lucy: Oh, that one. She totally has the hots for you. You defs for sure ask her out.

William: No. Just no.

Lucy: Oh come on. You need to lighten up.

William: I am not going out with some creepy, pasty faced 18-year old and risk revealing our identity.

Lucy: What's the worst that could happen?

William: Um, she tells everyone we're vampires and then the whole town murders us with pitchforks.

Lucy: Oh right. I forgot about that.

William: You always do.

*bell rings*

William: Thank god. Let's get out of this place and go home.

Lucy: But the day's only half done. We still have two more classes after lunch.

William: Shit, really? Fuuuuuuuuuck!

Creepy Girl from class: Hey. Are you new around here?

William: Yep just moved here from another city. Well nice meeting you, but we have to go.

Creepy Girl: Wait, I didn't get your name. Mine is Anna.

Lucy: I am Lucy. Well I have to go meet Kate for lunch. See you later. (exits)

William: Yeah, I also have to go meet somebody...

Anna: You still didn't give me your name.

William: *sigh* It's William.

Anna: Nice to meet you William. You seem so strange and different.

William: Yah both those words kinda mean the same thing. And what the heck is that supposed to mean anyway?

Anna: I don't know what to think of you.

William: It would probably be best if you don't think about it at all.

Anna: I want you.

William: Um, what?

Anna: I can't live without you.

William: Ok, this is getting really fucked up, really fast.

Anna: I am but a tool to be used by you in any way you see fit. I am a blank slate which you can shape into any form you wish as your needs require. My only defining quality is my relationship to you. I am nothing without my man.

William: Holy fuck. That's fucked up. You are the most unrealistic woman I have ever met. You must come from Bizarro world or something, because you are as fucked as they come. I am leaving now, and I never want to hear from or speak to you again.

Anna: I am yours to command husband.

William: Oh fuck off.

(Meanwhile Lucy is waiting at her locker for Kate)

Lucy: Man where is Kate. Is she ditching me? What a total bitch. I hate her now. I'll never forgive her ever.

Curly haired boy with glasses: Um, is something wrong? You seem a little distressed.

Lucy: Oh its nothing. My friend was supposed to meet me here, but she bailed.

Curly glasses guy: Aww, that sucks. You can eat lunch with me if it'll make you feel better.

Lucy: Sure. My name is Lucy, I am a vampire.

Curly: My name is Oscar, I am a werelock.

Lucy: A werelock? What's that?

Oscar: When the moon rises I gain magical powers. So I go to high school by day, and warlock school by night to hone my craft.

Lucy: Oh ok, I guess that makes sense.

Oscar: It is my duty to protect the world from, and eventually defeat, the evil Duke Zolderno.

Lucy: Oh that's cool. I like turtles.

Oscar: Nice! Let's go to the library to eat.

Lucy: Okey dokey!

Stay tuned for part 3 coming soon.

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