Sunday, April 4, 2010

6 Things that I Find Extremely Funny for Some Reason

Its Easter so that means its time for me to count off some of the strangest and most disturbing things I can find on the Internet that isn't scatological porn. Some of them you may find offensive. Or you may find them hilarious like I did. Either way take a deep breath and prepare yourselves for...

6. Conservapedia

In case you can't guess by the main page, Conservapedia is a conservative, Christian fundamentalist, and all American version of Wikipedia. The website was founded by Andy Schlafly who decided that Wikipedia had a liberal bias. Since the articles on Wikipedia are technically written by everybody, this implies that the entire world has a liberal bias. Rather than try to make a less biased version of the online encyclopedia, or perhaps take a moment to consider how wrong he is, Andy decided to make a website so gung-ho conservative that it pretty much parodies itself. Some notable articles on Conservapedia include homosexuality, Wikipedia, Joseph McCarthy, Barack Obama, and anything at all related to religion. I could seriously spend days on this website just looking up how they twist history to meet their own political ends, but after a while it starts to make me angrier than a metal band at an Attack Attack concert which leads us into...


Attack Attack is the gayest metal band on the entire planet of all time and forever. If Elton John, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, and Justin Bieber were to form a metal band it still would not be as gay.If I were to tell you that head-banging in unison is the most retarded thing you'll ever see, you probably wouldn't believe me until you saw that video. The stance they use in every single last one of their videos and while performing has earned them the dubious moniker, "crab-core." If you can bear to watch it until the end, you'll see (or hear) that they use autotune (what T-Pain uses in all his songs to make his voice sound all wavy like). What kind of metal band uses autotune? That is the exact opposite of metal. Mozart has more in common with metal than autotune. Who would sign these guys? They must have sucked a lot of dicks to get a record deal, which brings us to...


You hear that sound? That's your childhood dying. I don't know who decided that they needed to provide animation for that audio, but they should be simultaneously congratulated and thrown in jail. I can't decide if the person who did the impression put his talent to the best or the worst possible use. All I know is that this is the creepiest shit I've ever seen. Oh wait...


Look at it! Look at it! I need something adorable to make up for this.


Oh man. I never get tired of this video even though it goes against everything I stand for. I don't think it's humanly possible to make anything more sugar-coated and mind-numbing. Just look at the effects of it on this baby. Who needs marijuana when you can just watch Puppytown and achieve the same effect. If there was a channel on TV where all they played was puppies playing around to this song, it would be the most popular channel of all time. I would watch it. Although I also like to watch the following video which is pretty much the complete opposite.


I cannot maintain a straight face while watching this video and I am pretty sure that means I'm sadistic. It's just the way he shouts ,"Stop! Stop! That tickles!" while he burns to death that just cracks me up. Does that make me a bad person? I mean it is just a toy, right?

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