Saturday, April 17, 2010

Super Awesome Sexy Squad

Here's a pilot I made for a brand new TV show about an all Asian crime fighting squad. Think of it as a cross between The A-Team and Superfriends. Enjoy.

*Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real people is unintentional and just a coincidence.*

Narrator: Fed up with all the gangs and violence in the streets, one mysterious man, calling himself Mr. D, assembled an elite group of crime-fighters to combat the growing menace. It's members include...

Justin Time, the unofficial leader of the group who excels at quick-thinking and spur of the moment decisions, making him a great tactician and an asset in any situation.

"Tiger" Lily, an incredibly skilled fighter who's prowess on the battlefield is unmatched. She is capable of effectively using any weapon whether it be a sword, a shotgun, or a stapler.

Eddy Ha-Ha, the funnyman of the group, renown for his devastating one-liners. Unfortunately he is useless in almost every other respect and remains at the base during most missions, providing moral support and bad directions.

Michel Tranny, half man, half woman, and adept in the art of seduction. He/She can charm the pants off of anybody, male or female, regardless of which way they swing.

Aleck the Dalek, a man who is under the delusion that he is a Dalek from the popular British sci-fi series, Dr. Who. Luckily this crippling condition has turned him into an unstoppable killing machine, indispensable in any battle. Unfortunately he is also prone to turning on his teammates, leading some hilarious situations as well as debilitating injuries.

Joanna "4-Chan", the resident techie of the group, providing valuable information on criminals as well as many useful gadgets. She is foul-mouthed and spends an uncomfortable amount of time on the internet, either playing online games or ranting on forums.

Big Bad Brendan(?), the most terrifying man in existence. When you look into his eyes you learn the true meaning of despair. No one is sure how to spell his name, but one thing is for certain; you don't want to get on his bad side. Also he's a master of stealth.

Re-Joyce, the demolitions expert who's two greatest passions are explosions and arson. I don't know what's more disturbing: the amount of destruction she is capable of, or the amount of pleasure she takes in it.

Together they form S.A.S.S. The Super Awesome Sexy Squad.

(starwipe to the S.A.S.S. HQ where the team is sitting around minding their own business)

voice of Mr. D: Attention! Super Awesome Sexy Squad! There's a robbery in progress down at the bank!

Justin: We're all over it! Super Awesome Sexy Squad! Roll out like a herd of turtles!

(starwipe to S.A.S.S. arriving at the bank)

Michel: Oh no! The robbers have electronically wired this door shut!

Justin: Looks like this is a job for you, 4-Chan.

4-Chan (on laptop): K, hold on one minute.

Justin: What is it?

4-Chan: I've almost downed Kazulbul, Lord of the Damned.

Tiger: Why did you start that when you knew we were going on a mission.

4-Chan: Because fuck off okay!

Re-Joyce: Can't I just blow the door open?

Justin: No, because that would be destruction of property.

Re-Joyce: So?

Justin: So we're supposed to be the good guys, and we're not allowed to do that.

4-Chan: Stupid fucking team!

Michel: Hey! That's not nice.

4-Chan: Not you guys. My raid team wiped. Good for nothing asstards.

Justin: So can you open the door now?

4-Chan: Fine. I guess. This should take me about five seconds.

(starwipe to 5 seconds later)

4-Chan: K, its done.


Justin: Hold on Aleck, we need to make a plan first. Brennan, go find out what we're up against.

Brandan: I will be silent like a rabbit drowning in a pit of tar.

Justin: Yah you do that.

(starwipe to 5 minutes later)

Brandon: There's three of them inside the vault. No hostages. Only civilian is the manager.Toilet water is clean-

Justin: Ok, thank you Brett. That's enough.

Michel: So what's the plan boss?

Justin: Re-Joyce throw in a flash grenade to throw them off. Tiger and Aleck-


Justin: Take out the robbers in the vault. 4-Chan and Brandan guard the entrance in case more show up. Michel you get the manager out of there. Alright let's do it!

Eddy: What about me boss?

Justin: Oh, you're here? Just play with this yo-yo.

Eddy: I don't know if I want to walk the dog in this neighborhood.

Michel: Ha, ha! Nice one Eddy.

(starwipe to inside of bank, Re-Joyce throws a flash grenade, stunning the evildoers)

Robber 1: Ah my eyes!

Justin: Halt in the name of the law!

Robber 2: Oh no! It's the Super Asian Sexy Squad!

Robber 1: I seriously can't see anything. That thing went off right in front of my face.

Tiger: That's Super Awesome Sexy Squad you racist bastard!

Robber 2: What, really?

Tiger: What? You think just because we're Asian we can't be awesome?

Robber 2: No it's just that you're all Asian.

Justin: Well, it just worked out that way, okay!

Robber 1: What's going on?

Michel: We used to have a Filipino, but that didn't work out.

Robber 2: What happened?

Justin: I don't know. She just kept blowing bubbles all the time. Wasn't really a team player.

Re-Joyce: That and Aleck killed her.

Justin: Yah that too.

Robber 3: Why are we still talking to these guys? Let's take them!

Robber 1: Is anybody even listening to me?


Tiger: My thoughts exactly, Aleck.

(launches into battle)

Justin: Quick Michel, get that manager out of here before he gets hurt.

Michel: Come with me please sir.

(Manager looks out from his hiding place under a table and sees the ongoing battle)

Manager: I think I'd rather just stay here.

Michel: (unbuttoning his/her shirt a bit) If you come with me, I'll give you a rusty trombone.

Manager: I'm not sure what that means, but I am undeniably turned on right now.

Michel: It gives whole new meaning to the phrase; to toot one's horn.

Manager: (blabbers incoherently and follows Michel outside)

(Tiger and Robber 3 are fighting, Tiger punches him in the face)

Robber 3: Is that the best you got little missy?

Tiger: Well I also got this gun.

Robber 3: Uh oh.

(shoots him in the face)

Eddy on a radio: Looks like you just robbed that robber...of his life.

Tiger: Good one Eddy.

(Aleck is trying to fight Robber 2)


Robber 2: You know, just because you're wearing a garbage can, doesn't make you a Dalek.


Robber 2: You know that's not the only thing Daleks say.


Robber 2: Wait what?


Eddy: Wow! You rolled him like a blunt.


Justin: Right, I'll take care of this last one.

Robber 1: Help me! What's going on? What happened to my brothers?

Justin: The same thing that's going to happen to you.

Robber 1: Ahhhhhhh!

(stumbles around blindly, trips and falls, Re-Joyce throws a grenade at him, Explosion!)

Eddy: I guess it just goes to show, Justice is blind!

Justin: Ha, ha. Good one Eddy.

(starwipe to outside)

Justin: Good job guys. We got the bad guys, saved the bank, and only caused minor collateral damage!

4-Chan: And I finally took down Kazulbul, Lord of the Damned!

Michel: And I finally got the taste of ass out of my mouth.

Brendon: And I finally understand the true meaning of the darkness that consumes me.

Eddy: I only joke constantly to compensate for my impotency.

Re-Joyce: Good one Eddy.


(tries to attack Tiger who pushes him over, leaving him flailing wildly on the ground, everybody laughs)



  1. i find this story offensive and racist, i am nothing like a robot. good story btw.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. You don't even know what you're writing about anymore, do you SnakeEyes?

    ...Although I'd totally watch this show. Next do one about Vampire Girl!

  4. "And I finally got the taste of ass out of my mouth" made me feel the actual need to brush my teeth

    I enjoyed this!

  5. a gamer and a hacker? i think this 4chan girl needs more screen time