I headed down to the city of Seattle,
To claim for myself a piece of PAX.
They herded us into endless lines like cattle,
With nary a moment to relax.
There was so much to see, so much to do,
And so much standing in hour-long queues.
Despite the waits, all were high in morale,
With devs presenting and fans filled with cheers,
Plus helpful enforcers and plenty of pals,
Made for an invigorating atmosphere.
Many came as their favourite characters, complete with blades,
And one came as a cross-dressing, black, male maid.
Come night we made for PC Freeplay
To satisfy our lust for friendship and fun.
In TF2 I play as Heavy to blow my foes away.
I take twisted joy in dismembering zombies with guns.
We cycle in and out, playing games into the morning hours.
By the time we leave we are completely out of power.
Day two begins with a battle of wits,
To see who has what it takes to win at Dominion.
After some ups and downs I place fifth,
Which isn’t too bad in my opinion.
One lesson I leaned and I learned it hard,
I really fucking hate the Witch card.
At this point I had a difficult choice to make:
To attend the Skyrim panel and perhaps gain some loot,
Or watch Gabe, Tycho, Wil, and Scott play a D&D game.
I went to the latter with no regrets, it was a hoot.
There were so many nerd references I couldn’t keep track.
And the jokes kept flowing in an endless attack.
On the last day I awoke early and rushed to the hall
To reserve my spot in line and be first to play Guild Wars 2.
When the doors opened I sped through the thrall
To play my asura thief at the ArenaNet booth.
With pistols in hand I brought down all in my path,
And holy shit this game kicks all sorts of ass.
The final hours of PAX were upon us like lightning.
We stormed through the expo hall snatching up all we saw.
We played demos, entered raffles, shirts and hats were flying,
And as I watch this chaos my mind gnaws
On all the swag left unclaimed,
And all the games left unplayed.
As I sit at the border upon my return
Waiting for customs in the final line,
I think back fondly on what I have earned
From that fun-filled exposition of mine.
Though now it seems a hectic dream,
I long for the peace of PAX Prima.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Fireworks + Grouse Grind
Since us members of Board Game Club have been accused of being lazy shut-ins who sit in dark rooms playing D&D all day, I've decided to make an effort to make us appear more outgoing. To these ends we'll be having a picnic/get-together on Wed. August 3rd to watch Spain's fireworks show. We'll meet around 3pm, find a spot to set up, and the eat/play games/enjoy friendship until the show starts at around 10.
Also, some of us are going to do the Grouse Grind. The tentative date for this is this coming Sunday or Monday, but if that's too short notice we can push it back. Some of you may think this too physically demanding, but if Taylor can do it then I'm sure we can all manage.
Also, some of us are going to do the Grouse Grind. The tentative date for this is this coming Sunday or Monday, but if that's too short notice we can push it back. Some of you may think this too physically demanding, but if Taylor can do it then I'm sure we can all manage.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Why HBO Needs to Turn Preacher into a TV Series
I just finished reading Garth Ennis’ graphic novel series, Preacher, and I must say that it is the most badass awesome thing I’ve ever read. For those of you who don’t know, the comic tells the story of a Texan preacher named Jesse Custer who gets possessed by an entity known as Genesis, a being who is potentially superior to even God in power. He then sets off with his girlfriend, Tulip, and his vampire best-friend, Cassidy, to find out what the deal with Genesis is and to confront God while numerous threats try to impede their progress. Needless to say, it’s epic, and upon completion my first thought was that HBO should turn this into a show. It would be perfect for them. After a cursory search on Wikipedia, I discovered that HBO did have a Preacher show in the works, but the material was apparently even too hardcore for them and they pussied out. Even though I’m fairly certain there is no HBO executive amoungst my readership, I shall nonetheless explain why they should give it another go.
Awesome Characters
Virtually every character in Preacher has a story to tell. Every porn star on the run, grubby hobo, and castrated mobster gets a chance to have their say, and they’re all awesome in their own way. And that’s not saying anything about the main cast who are all ridiculously badass and entertaining. You’ve got the ever-noble and skilled hand-to-hand combatant Jesse who can make anybody do whatever he says courtesy of Genesis. Cassidy, the hard-drinking, incredibly strong, and nigh invincible Irish vampire who’s quick with a joke and even quicker with a punch if you try to step on his best mate. Then there’s Tulip who’s easily the most badass women to ever grace the pages of a comic book with her deadly sharpshooting skills, sexiness, and just a pinch of crazy (especially when it comes to Jesse). Deadliest of them all is the aptly named Saint of Killers who you don’t want to be within 100 miles of if you value your life. Herr Starr is a strange combination of ridiculous and badass with his calculating and relentless approach to his purpose and his problems while also making time for disturbing sexual fetishes. And perhaps the greatest of them all is Arseface who maintains a positive outlook on life despite his hideous appearance which makes most everyone barf when they see him. Forget all this Edward vs. Jacob bullshit and instead imagine a Jesse vs. Cassidy vs. Saint vs. Starr vs. Tulip vs. Arseface battle as fans debate who is the more awesome. Even I can’t decide who’d win in that matchup. Wait, yes I can. HBO would as they’d reap in the ratings while everybody fell in love with the characters on the show and would be quoting them constantly, which brings me to…
Badass Dialogue
Any show on HBO worth its salt has top-notch writing and when comes to Preacher, it’s really not all that hard to accomplish. There’s so much badass, poignant, and hilarious dialogue that you could pretty much just copy paste everything and call it a day. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look for yourself at some of the best quotes taken out of context:
Saint of Killers: There ain’t worse than me in all of Hell. Go an’ look.
Herr Starr: Ah… I have an erection.
Jesse: You turn your back on your friend, you may as well go ahead an’ join the Asshole Squad,’cause you just became one more reason why the damn world’s gone to Hell.
Cassidy: Tell me, Doctor Cassidy: How would you treat a large caliber gunshot wound resulting in massive tissue and blood loss? “Well, I would obviously recommend drinking a couple of morons worth of fresh blood and letting the wound heal up by itself.”
Tulip: Do you remember when we first met, T.C.? Do you remember what you called me? Well this cooze does have a name. It’s Tulip.
And that is just a very, very small sample of some of the many great things they say. When you add it all together, it not only makes for what could be one of the most quotable shows on the planet, but also for a great story that makes for…
An American Epic
There are very few works which can say that. The only other ones I can think of are The Godfather (Parts I and II. Part III can suck it) and Gone with the Wind. And just like both of those, Preacher deserves a live-action adaptation which I’m certain will receive similar levels of critical praise and popularity. Perhaps even more so since Ennis’ opus works on a scale that hasn’t been seen since Milton wrote Paradise Lost. It has everything you were taught constitutes an epic in high school: supernatural beings, larger-than-life heroes, a massive setting, and rather than make use of archaic language it inverts it with interesting effects (think of Cassidy’s Irish dialect, Arseface’s mumbling, or Jesse’s down-home southern accent). These are just the surface features however. The real meat of it and the major theme that runs across the whole series is America and what it means to be American. Every story that’s told and most every character that’s met is a reflection of this theme and what you see might not always be pretty (more often than not it’s downright hideous), but it speaks volumes on what America is, was, and could be. Now I may be Canadian, but I can still appreciate what Ennis has done because he presents it in such an entertaining and gripping package that is bound to attract audiences. It doesn’t hurt that he’s liberally laced the story with ample amounts of…
Controversy
A little bit of controversy can go a long way to improving a show’s popularity, and boy does Preacher have controversy written all over it. First and foremost, the primary antagonist is God so all those religious types are bound to be offended. As if that wasn’t enough, religion and those who serve it are in general portrayed as farcical and/or sinister. I’m pretty sure the Pope will be legally obligated to condemn this which will spark protests from religious groups, and the popularity of the show will consequently skyrocket. They also have a Christian conspiracy similar to what is seen in The Da Vinci Code (except for Preacher came first and has a rather hilarious twist) which led to condemnation from numerous church organizations and we all know how well that worked out for Dan Brown. And that’s just the religious dimensions of the controversy. I haven’t even mentioned all the many, many other aspects people could easily take offense to. I am of course speaking of all the…
Sex, Drugs, and Violence
No show on HBO would be complete without at least one these three things and Preacher has you more than covered in all of these areas. From the drug angle you have Cassidy who’s been addicted for the better part of his century-long vampiric career and boy does he get into some deep shit because of it. Scarcely a page goes by where somebody isn’t taking a drag on a cigarette or a swig of whiskey. Healthy habits is not an issue for these people is what I’m trying to say, but they make drinking and smoking look cool which is 50% of the reason why people watch Mad Men. The other 50% is fucking, and don’t you worry HBO, Preacher offers plenty of opportunities to show tits and ass like you oh-so-love to do. For starters, Jesse and Tulip are perhaps the hottest couple in comic book history and they are constantly fucking. It’s pretty much masturbation material for anybody regardless of gender or sexual orientation and they’re goddamn cartoons. Just imagine how it would be with two attractive actors. Yeah, that’s right. You are now currently touching yourselves. Don’t even deny it. On top of that you have the weird shit Herr Starr likes to do with prostitutes, and those are just the major characters. And then there’s the violence. I think 90% of the reason why Garth Ennis wrote Preacher was to have people die in the most graphically extreme ways possible. Faces get ripped off, people are burned alive, large chunks of bodies get blown away, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can’t think of a single character who dies a natural death. Come on HBO. I’ve seen Rome. You guys love this sort of thing. Preacher could be like True Blood, Deadwood, and Game of Thrones all rolled into one. There is no reason why you shouldn’t make this into a show, so grow a backbone, get off your asses, and start making this!
Awesome Characters
Virtually every character in Preacher has a story to tell. Every porn star on the run, grubby hobo, and castrated mobster gets a chance to have their say, and they’re all awesome in their own way. And that’s not saying anything about the main cast who are all ridiculously badass and entertaining. You’ve got the ever-noble and skilled hand-to-hand combatant Jesse who can make anybody do whatever he says courtesy of Genesis. Cassidy, the hard-drinking, incredibly strong, and nigh invincible Irish vampire who’s quick with a joke and even quicker with a punch if you try to step on his best mate. Then there’s Tulip who’s easily the most badass women to ever grace the pages of a comic book with her deadly sharpshooting skills, sexiness, and just a pinch of crazy (especially when it comes to Jesse). Deadliest of them all is the aptly named Saint of Killers who you don’t want to be within 100 miles of if you value your life. Herr Starr is a strange combination of ridiculous and badass with his calculating and relentless approach to his purpose and his problems while also making time for disturbing sexual fetishes. And perhaps the greatest of them all is Arseface who maintains a positive outlook on life despite his hideous appearance which makes most everyone barf when they see him. Forget all this Edward vs. Jacob bullshit and instead imagine a Jesse vs. Cassidy vs. Saint vs. Starr vs. Tulip vs. Arseface battle as fans debate who is the more awesome. Even I can’t decide who’d win in that matchup. Wait, yes I can. HBO would as they’d reap in the ratings while everybody fell in love with the characters on the show and would be quoting them constantly, which brings me to…
Badass Dialogue
Any show on HBO worth its salt has top-notch writing and when comes to Preacher, it’s really not all that hard to accomplish. There’s so much badass, poignant, and hilarious dialogue that you could pretty much just copy paste everything and call it a day. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look for yourself at some of the best quotes taken out of context:
Saint of Killers: There ain’t worse than me in all of Hell. Go an’ look.
Herr Starr: Ah… I have an erection.
Jesse: You turn your back on your friend, you may as well go ahead an’ join the Asshole Squad,’cause you just became one more reason why the damn world’s gone to Hell.
Cassidy: Tell me, Doctor Cassidy: How would you treat a large caliber gunshot wound resulting in massive tissue and blood loss? “Well, I would obviously recommend drinking a couple of morons worth of fresh blood and letting the wound heal up by itself.”
Tulip: Do you remember when we first met, T.C.? Do you remember what you called me? Well this cooze does have a name. It’s Tulip.
And that is just a very, very small sample of some of the many great things they say. When you add it all together, it not only makes for what could be one of the most quotable shows on the planet, but also for a great story that makes for…
An American Epic
There are very few works which can say that. The only other ones I can think of are The Godfather (Parts I and II. Part III can suck it) and Gone with the Wind. And just like both of those, Preacher deserves a live-action adaptation which I’m certain will receive similar levels of critical praise and popularity. Perhaps even more so since Ennis’ opus works on a scale that hasn’t been seen since Milton wrote Paradise Lost. It has everything you were taught constitutes an epic in high school: supernatural beings, larger-than-life heroes, a massive setting, and rather than make use of archaic language it inverts it with interesting effects (think of Cassidy’s Irish dialect, Arseface’s mumbling, or Jesse’s down-home southern accent). These are just the surface features however. The real meat of it and the major theme that runs across the whole series is America and what it means to be American. Every story that’s told and most every character that’s met is a reflection of this theme and what you see might not always be pretty (more often than not it’s downright hideous), but it speaks volumes on what America is, was, and could be. Now I may be Canadian, but I can still appreciate what Ennis has done because he presents it in such an entertaining and gripping package that is bound to attract audiences. It doesn’t hurt that he’s liberally laced the story with ample amounts of…
Controversy
A little bit of controversy can go a long way to improving a show’s popularity, and boy does Preacher have controversy written all over it. First and foremost, the primary antagonist is God so all those religious types are bound to be offended. As if that wasn’t enough, religion and those who serve it are in general portrayed as farcical and/or sinister. I’m pretty sure the Pope will be legally obligated to condemn this which will spark protests from religious groups, and the popularity of the show will consequently skyrocket. They also have a Christian conspiracy similar to what is seen in The Da Vinci Code (except for Preacher came first and has a rather hilarious twist) which led to condemnation from numerous church organizations and we all know how well that worked out for Dan Brown. And that’s just the religious dimensions of the controversy. I haven’t even mentioned all the many, many other aspects people could easily take offense to. I am of course speaking of all the…
Sex, Drugs, and Violence
No show on HBO would be complete without at least one these three things and Preacher has you more than covered in all of these areas. From the drug angle you have Cassidy who’s been addicted for the better part of his century-long vampiric career and boy does he get into some deep shit because of it. Scarcely a page goes by where somebody isn’t taking a drag on a cigarette or a swig of whiskey. Healthy habits is not an issue for these people is what I’m trying to say, but they make drinking and smoking look cool which is 50% of the reason why people watch Mad Men. The other 50% is fucking, and don’t you worry HBO, Preacher offers plenty of opportunities to show tits and ass like you oh-so-love to do. For starters, Jesse and Tulip are perhaps the hottest couple in comic book history and they are constantly fucking. It’s pretty much masturbation material for anybody regardless of gender or sexual orientation and they’re goddamn cartoons. Just imagine how it would be with two attractive actors. Yeah, that’s right. You are now currently touching yourselves. Don’t even deny it. On top of that you have the weird shit Herr Starr likes to do with prostitutes, and those are just the major characters. And then there’s the violence. I think 90% of the reason why Garth Ennis wrote Preacher was to have people die in the most graphically extreme ways possible. Faces get ripped off, people are burned alive, large chunks of bodies get blown away, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can’t think of a single character who dies a natural death. Come on HBO. I’ve seen Rome. You guys love this sort of thing. Preacher could be like True Blood, Deadwood, and Game of Thrones all rolled into one. There is no reason why you shouldn’t make this into a show, so grow a backbone, get off your asses, and start making this!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
A Semi-Fictionalized First-Hand Account of the 2011 Vancouver Riot
So a couple of friends and I headed downtown yesterday to watch the game on the street. We decided to stay even after it seemed pretty clear that the Canucks were going to lose and that the crowd was becoming increasingly unruly. What followed was incredibly retarded.
"Shit guys! We're down three-nothing going into the third period. You wanna hit the road?" I, the perennial bandwagoner, asked.
"Dude, have faith. We still have twenty minutes to tie it up and push it into overtime," reassured the delusional, but obscenely tall Damian.
"Go, Canucks! Go!" shouted Dana who was perched on Damian's back so she could see the screen. He would have complained about the damage it was doing to his back, but Damian is a man, so instead all he said was that she's heavier than she looks.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure people are chanting 'Fuck Boston' now. I don't think anybody shares your positive attitude. People seem more interested in that guy risking his life trying to touch the stoplight than they do in the game."
"Well, it is significantly more entertaining."
"Fine, but the second this game is over let's meet up with the others and get out of here."
So, about 45 minutes later, the Canucks lost the game and we slowly made our way through the crowd towards the bar our friends were watching the game at. Apparently they were having a lot of trouble paying the bill and were taking a long time to come out. We stood around moping for a while until we noticed that there was a rather large fire blazing outside the post office near the big screen. Despite my belief that it was fundamentally a bad idea to head towards the inferno, Dana and Damian charged off anyway to have a better look. I followed and stood with Dana on a nearby truck while she recorded it on her cellphone. Damian, as stated earlier, is ginormous and has no need to climb on top of things for a better view. It seemed that some hooligans had overturned and set fire to a car and were now taking turns posing in front of it.
"Yep, this is definitely retarded," I pointed out even though it was definitely unnecessary to do so.
A fire truck appeared on the scene shortly and eventually managed to push aside the masses so it could get close enough to extinguish the flames. For about ten minutes it looked as though the Great 2011 Riot may have ended then and there, but I forgot to take into account who drunk and stupid people can be. At this point Zach, Taylor, Mannu, and Mannu's UVic friend, Caitlin, emerged from the bar and joined us. Zach and Mannu seemed sober enough, but Taylor was flailing and stumbling about all over the place while Caitlin was crying and kept wandering off. At this point I thought it would be a good time to leave, but Mannu wanted to go to some afterparty, and Taylor really, really, really wanted to get a hold of his bff Jade whom he had just met that day and was apparently responsible for 6 of the 16-18 drinks he'd had. According to Zach he had tried to rip a menu in half and tear his shirt off, apparently in a rage over the Canucks. All of these plans, however, went out the window when we saw that a second blaze had started near the first one. This time I didn't even bother trying to stop them from rushing over. Now it was a pick-up truck they had flipped and burned while a group of rioters stood on the burnt out husked of their previous victim. The firemen were still there, but they didn't seem too interested in putting out these flames. I figured that was a bad sign. Soon riot police were visible while Dana tried jumping on our backs and conveniently placed step-ladder to get a better look. We heard a loud bang coming from the truck which elicited wild cheers from the crowd.
"Woooooo!" cheered a shitfaced Taylor.
"Dammit, Taylor! No! This is not the kind of thing you should be applauding."
"I dunno wahts goin' on."
"It's a riot, Taylor."
"Woooooo!"
"Hey guys, where did Mannu and Caitlin go?" asked a concerned Zach.
"Oh Caitlin wandered off again and Mannu went looking for her," answered Damian nonchalantly.
"Dammit guys! Now is not the time to start splitting up!"
More bangs led to more cheers until it became apparent that most of the bangs were now coming from the riot police who were slowly moving forward while firing off flash-bangs, pepper spray, and cans of tear gas. Some rioters ran past alternately clutching their ears and eyes. The crowd started streaming backwards until we were no longer 100 feet from the action, but right up front. Some of the police were on horseback, which I didn't even know they did for anything other than ceremonial purposes, so I guess I learned something. We were behind some of those blue fences which the rioters began to knock over. One started to fall on top of Zach, but he made it out without a scrape.
By now, Mannu had returned with Caitlin and we figured that it would be a good idea to move back. We made our way out until I noticed Dana was not with us. She was still standing right up front taking pictures. I grabbed her by the hood and pulled her back, because I had had just about enough of this bullshit. The rioters were now picking up the fences they'd knocked over and were using them as ineffective shields/weapons while people standing above outside the Queen Elizabeth theatre started throwing plants down. I'm not really sure why, but at this point I don't think anybody had a clear idea of why they were doing what they were doing. One rioter ran off shouting about how much he hates "the system" and it took all the power I had not to shout "I throw it on the ground! Because I'm an adult!" at him. In case it wasn't already clear from the beginning, by now it was obvious that this uprising had nothing to do with hockey and was more about being crazy just because they can.
"Isn't this awesome guys!" exclaimed a bewilderingly excited Mannu as a clod of dirt whizzed over his head. "Riots are fucking intense!"
"Fantastic. Now let's get out of here."
"But dude, I don't want to miss anything. They've lit like four fires! Who knows what will happen next!"
"Exactly. I don't want to be around here if and when people start throwing punches."
Some brave Vancouverites were trying to get the rioters to back off and stop being morons. For his efforts one of them was punched in the face by a rioter. Some people surged forward, but quickly backed off when the police fired some more shots.
"Dude! Did you see that!"
"I sure did. Now let's go."
As we made our way towards the nearest Skytrain station, the riot squad made a huge push which almost seemed to disperse the crowd, but then a couple rioters found a pair of cop cars in a parking lot across from the QE. They immediately set to trashing them and turning them on their side.
"Guys, I'm gonna hop over this fence for a better look," cried Mannu who did just that before anybody could stop him. Much to my disappointment, Zach and Damian followed suit. Also, we'd lost Dana. Eventually, the mindless destruction lost it's novelty and everybody regrouped. We headed off towards the Stadium-Chinatown Skytrain station. We all laid down on some grass to gather ourselves as the rioters let the squad cars on fire behind us.
"Let's go guys," said Zach, and we all got up and hopped on a train to Waterfront for a quick Subway run.
"Man guys, you know how there are people who chase after tornadoes and storms. Well I wanna be like that except I chase after riots," mused an increasingly annoying Mannu. I didn't really care if he was joking or being serious, he was being a retarded bastard and I didn't feel like indulging him. We ate our sandwiches at Waterfront while hearing various reports and rumours about how things had gotten worse after we left, the riot had spread, looting had begun, more fires were lit, and some people had suffered serious injuries. Other than Mannu and Damian, none of us were particularly interested in investigating the veracity of what we'd heard. After eating we got back on the Skytrain and went home.
In conclusion, a small group of hooligans made Canucks fans in particular (and by extension all of Vancouver and most of BC) as well as Canadians in general look really bad while most people just looked on. Some cheered, others were ashamed, and many just wanted to record the spectacle. In any case, that one night pretty much canceled out everything the Olympics had accomplished in terms of city and national spirit.
"Shit guys! We're down three-nothing going into the third period. You wanna hit the road?" I, the perennial bandwagoner, asked.
"Dude, have faith. We still have twenty minutes to tie it up and push it into overtime," reassured the delusional, but obscenely tall Damian.
"Go, Canucks! Go!" shouted Dana who was perched on Damian's back so she could see the screen. He would have complained about the damage it was doing to his back, but Damian is a man, so instead all he said was that she's heavier than she looks.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure people are chanting 'Fuck Boston' now. I don't think anybody shares your positive attitude. People seem more interested in that guy risking his life trying to touch the stoplight than they do in the game."
"Well, it is significantly more entertaining."
"Fine, but the second this game is over let's meet up with the others and get out of here."
So, about 45 minutes later, the Canucks lost the game and we slowly made our way through the crowd towards the bar our friends were watching the game at. Apparently they were having a lot of trouble paying the bill and were taking a long time to come out. We stood around moping for a while until we noticed that there was a rather large fire blazing outside the post office near the big screen. Despite my belief that it was fundamentally a bad idea to head towards the inferno, Dana and Damian charged off anyway to have a better look. I followed and stood with Dana on a nearby truck while she recorded it on her cellphone. Damian, as stated earlier, is ginormous and has no need to climb on top of things for a better view. It seemed that some hooligans had overturned and set fire to a car and were now taking turns posing in front of it.
"Yep, this is definitely retarded," I pointed out even though it was definitely unnecessary to do so.
A fire truck appeared on the scene shortly and eventually managed to push aside the masses so it could get close enough to extinguish the flames. For about ten minutes it looked as though the Great 2011 Riot may have ended then and there, but I forgot to take into account who drunk and stupid people can be. At this point Zach, Taylor, Mannu, and Mannu's UVic friend, Caitlin, emerged from the bar and joined us. Zach and Mannu seemed sober enough, but Taylor was flailing and stumbling about all over the place while Caitlin was crying and kept wandering off. At this point I thought it would be a good time to leave, but Mannu wanted to go to some afterparty, and Taylor really, really, really wanted to get a hold of his bff Jade whom he had just met that day and was apparently responsible for 6 of the 16-18 drinks he'd had. According to Zach he had tried to rip a menu in half and tear his shirt off, apparently in a rage over the Canucks. All of these plans, however, went out the window when we saw that a second blaze had started near the first one. This time I didn't even bother trying to stop them from rushing over. Now it was a pick-up truck they had flipped and burned while a group of rioters stood on the burnt out husked of their previous victim. The firemen were still there, but they didn't seem too interested in putting out these flames. I figured that was a bad sign. Soon riot police were visible while Dana tried jumping on our backs and conveniently placed step-ladder to get a better look. We heard a loud bang coming from the truck which elicited wild cheers from the crowd.
"Woooooo!" cheered a shitfaced Taylor.
"Dammit, Taylor! No! This is not the kind of thing you should be applauding."
"I dunno wahts goin' on."
"It's a riot, Taylor."
"Woooooo!"
"Hey guys, where did Mannu and Caitlin go?" asked a concerned Zach.
"Oh Caitlin wandered off again and Mannu went looking for her," answered Damian nonchalantly.
"Dammit guys! Now is not the time to start splitting up!"
More bangs led to more cheers until it became apparent that most of the bangs were now coming from the riot police who were slowly moving forward while firing off flash-bangs, pepper spray, and cans of tear gas. Some rioters ran past alternately clutching their ears and eyes. The crowd started streaming backwards until we were no longer 100 feet from the action, but right up front. Some of the police were on horseback, which I didn't even know they did for anything other than ceremonial purposes, so I guess I learned something. We were behind some of those blue fences which the rioters began to knock over. One started to fall on top of Zach, but he made it out without a scrape.
By now, Mannu had returned with Caitlin and we figured that it would be a good idea to move back. We made our way out until I noticed Dana was not with us. She was still standing right up front taking pictures. I grabbed her by the hood and pulled her back, because I had had just about enough of this bullshit. The rioters were now picking up the fences they'd knocked over and were using them as ineffective shields/weapons while people standing above outside the Queen Elizabeth theatre started throwing plants down. I'm not really sure why, but at this point I don't think anybody had a clear idea of why they were doing what they were doing. One rioter ran off shouting about how much he hates "the system" and it took all the power I had not to shout "I throw it on the ground! Because I'm an adult!" at him. In case it wasn't already clear from the beginning, by now it was obvious that this uprising had nothing to do with hockey and was more about being crazy just because they can.
"Isn't this awesome guys!" exclaimed a bewilderingly excited Mannu as a clod of dirt whizzed over his head. "Riots are fucking intense!"
"Fantastic. Now let's get out of here."
"But dude, I don't want to miss anything. They've lit like four fires! Who knows what will happen next!"
"Exactly. I don't want to be around here if and when people start throwing punches."
Some brave Vancouverites were trying to get the rioters to back off and stop being morons. For his efforts one of them was punched in the face by a rioter. Some people surged forward, but quickly backed off when the police fired some more shots.
"Dude! Did you see that!"
"I sure did. Now let's go."
As we made our way towards the nearest Skytrain station, the riot squad made a huge push which almost seemed to disperse the crowd, but then a couple rioters found a pair of cop cars in a parking lot across from the QE. They immediately set to trashing them and turning them on their side.
"Guys, I'm gonna hop over this fence for a better look," cried Mannu who did just that before anybody could stop him. Much to my disappointment, Zach and Damian followed suit. Also, we'd lost Dana. Eventually, the mindless destruction lost it's novelty and everybody regrouped. We headed off towards the Stadium-Chinatown Skytrain station. We all laid down on some grass to gather ourselves as the rioters let the squad cars on fire behind us.
"Let's go guys," said Zach, and we all got up and hopped on a train to Waterfront for a quick Subway run.
"Man guys, you know how there are people who chase after tornadoes and storms. Well I wanna be like that except I chase after riots," mused an increasingly annoying Mannu. I didn't really care if he was joking or being serious, he was being a retarded bastard and I didn't feel like indulging him. We ate our sandwiches at Waterfront while hearing various reports and rumours about how things had gotten worse after we left, the riot had spread, looting had begun, more fires were lit, and some people had suffered serious injuries. Other than Mannu and Damian, none of us were particularly interested in investigating the veracity of what we'd heard. After eating we got back on the Skytrain and went home.
In conclusion, a small group of hooligans made Canucks fans in particular (and by extension all of Vancouver and most of BC) as well as Canadians in general look really bad while most people just looked on. Some cheered, others were ashamed, and many just wanted to record the spectacle. In any case, that one night pretty much canceled out everything the Olympics had accomplished in terms of city and national spirit.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Marathon Party 1.2
So it turned out Friday wasn’t such a hot date afterall to have the party so we’re gonna do it Sunday May 29th now with a 10% chance that it might change to Saturday. This way Dana/Joyce/Joanna should be there the entire time and Jenniferika will be a bit late, but that’s ok. Also we’ll be down in Gastown tomorrow to pick up the DVDs from Kerry (though i’m not sure if its still entirely necessary). We’ll be there around 3pm and if you want to meet up with us just send Zach, Taylor, or I a call/text and we’ll figure something out. Also, if it turns out Sunday really doesn’t work for people, please let me know ASAP.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Marathon Party
So it looks like we finally have an official time, place, and trilogy for this shindig. It will be Friday May 27th starting around 2pm at my house and we’ll be watching Back to the Future. That wasn’t my first choice. In fact it was my last, but the people have spoken and now we must live with the consequences. On the subject of tragic misfortunes, Joanna will not be able to make it that day and will have to collect her prize for being BGC Champion at a later date. All of this is still subject to change should problems or conflicts arise/disappear.
On a related note, Kerry is apparently the only person in the whole club with the BTTF trilogy on DVD, but he will be late on Friday. He’s invited us to come down to the grand opening of Gamedeals (a new video game store) in Gastown this Friday (the 20th) so we can meet him and pick up the DVDs ahead of time. Sounds like it will be fun, so if you’re not busy head on down and check it out/say hi to Kerry and anyone else who happens to be there.
On a related note, Kerry is apparently the only person in the whole club with the BTTF trilogy on DVD, but he will be late on Friday. He’s invited us to come down to the grand opening of Gamedeals (a new video game store) in Gastown this Friday (the 20th) so we can meet him and pick up the DVDs ahead of time. Sounds like it will be fun, so if you’re not busy head on down and check it out/say hi to Kerry and anyone else who happens to be there.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Magneto Versus The Self-Image Issues
Magneto is one of the most recognizable, and perhaps the most interesting of all the supervillains in the Marvel universe. Not only is he incredibly powerful and bad-ass, but he also has a well-developed backstory and at times even appears heroic. With such a reputation, you wouldn’t think it would be all that challenging to put his character to good use. Which is why I was shocked to see how he was portrayed in this clip from the old Fantastic Four TV show:
Earlier, you’ve heard me rant about the ridiculous things that happen in old episodes of Superfriends, but this isn’t even ridiculous. It’s just sad. They take freakin’ Magneto and turn him into a stoned, insecure old man. Everything he says and does is a complete and utter embarrassment to all that is Magneto, and that’s not saying anything about that fruity gondola he’s driving around in. I know that this cartoon is over 40 years old, but I think it’s important for people to know exactly why this is so wrong. Looking at that last sentence I realize I should reconsider my priorities in life.
So we start off with Magneto pulling into a gas station to ask for directions since apparently the world’s greatest supervillain doesn’t know the location of his intended target. But that’s not even the most ridiculous thing right now. In fact I didn’t even question this implausible scenario at first because I was so distracted by the sight of his retarded car. It looks like a party snow taxi that exclusively services gay men. Rather than striking fear into the hearts of me it just causes them to stare incredulously because they can’t even believe it’s real. And that’s a pretty generous reaction given that most would probably just point and laugh.
At this point he begins to ramble on incoherently about how awesome his car is and how boss it makes him spouting such nonsense as “fuel is for lesser men,” because truly the mark of a great man is his lack of a need for gas. By those standards, hipsters who bike everywhere are the best of us. In case it wasn’t already clear that he has a Napoleon complex, he shouts “nobody may dare contradict me!” in the most insane overreaction in the history of cartoon villainy, apparently with the vain hope that saying it loudly will make it come true. He then proceeds to knock over nearby metallic objects in a mildly startling display of power before toddling off in the California Raisin’s party bus. Before it cuts to the next scene, Magneto starts referring to himself in the third person as he predicts that the Fantastic Four will tremble before “the menace of Magneto,” in what can only be seen as a desperate attempt to reassure himself that he is still threatening, and not some crotchety old man on an ill-conceived joyride.
In the next scene, Magneto is nearing the F4 HQ and the narrator has the balls to refer to his minivan on sled tracks as “the amazing vehicle” without a hint of irony. Magneto has temporarily forgotten that his vehicle can fly and is stuck in traffic. People start giving him strange looks which reminds him that he doesn’t have to take any of this shit. He’s big, strong boy who can make his own decisions like a motherfucking adult no matter what daddy says! MAGNETO IS A LAW UNTO HIMSELF! On a side note, considering that super-powered beings are running around, tearing shit up willy-nilly, regular people in this universe are stunningly ignorant of their existence. That is some government cover-up.
The scene finishes with Magneto finally arriving at the Baxter Building and parking in a *gasp* no parking zone! That’s the villainous act of the century! Truly he is the greatest criminal mastermind in existence! What will he do next? Petty vandalism? Oh shit! The very sight of that no parking sign offends him! Yeah, you throw that dirty sign to the ground Magneto. It totally had it coming what with it being present and all. But seriously, Magneto has the ability to tear the Earth in half if he wants to, and this is the best he can muster? It’s an absolute disgrace. I don’t know how the Fantastic Four dealt with him and I don’t even care. They probably just called the senior’s home and told them one of their patients escaped and wandered into a Value Village before knocking at their door in a state of confusion. Whatever the case, I’m sure it was embarrassing for everyone involved.
Bonus points to whoever can come up with an even worse adaptation of a great character.
Earlier, you’ve heard me rant about the ridiculous things that happen in old episodes of Superfriends, but this isn’t even ridiculous. It’s just sad. They take freakin’ Magneto and turn him into a stoned, insecure old man. Everything he says and does is a complete and utter embarrassment to all that is Magneto, and that’s not saying anything about that fruity gondola he’s driving around in. I know that this cartoon is over 40 years old, but I think it’s important for people to know exactly why this is so wrong. Looking at that last sentence I realize I should reconsider my priorities in life.
So we start off with Magneto pulling into a gas station to ask for directions since apparently the world’s greatest supervillain doesn’t know the location of his intended target. But that’s not even the most ridiculous thing right now. In fact I didn’t even question this implausible scenario at first because I was so distracted by the sight of his retarded car. It looks like a party snow taxi that exclusively services gay men. Rather than striking fear into the hearts of me it just causes them to stare incredulously because they can’t even believe it’s real. And that’s a pretty generous reaction given that most would probably just point and laugh.
At this point he begins to ramble on incoherently about how awesome his car is and how boss it makes him spouting such nonsense as “fuel is for lesser men,” because truly the mark of a great man is his lack of a need for gas. By those standards, hipsters who bike everywhere are the best of us. In case it wasn’t already clear that he has a Napoleon complex, he shouts “nobody may dare contradict me!” in the most insane overreaction in the history of cartoon villainy, apparently with the vain hope that saying it loudly will make it come true. He then proceeds to knock over nearby metallic objects in a mildly startling display of power before toddling off in the California Raisin’s party bus. Before it cuts to the next scene, Magneto starts referring to himself in the third person as he predicts that the Fantastic Four will tremble before “the menace of Magneto,” in what can only be seen as a desperate attempt to reassure himself that he is still threatening, and not some crotchety old man on an ill-conceived joyride.
In the next scene, Magneto is nearing the F4 HQ and the narrator has the balls to refer to his minivan on sled tracks as “the amazing vehicle” without a hint of irony. Magneto has temporarily forgotten that his vehicle can fly and is stuck in traffic. People start giving him strange looks which reminds him that he doesn’t have to take any of this shit. He’s big, strong boy who can make his own decisions like a motherfucking adult no matter what daddy says! MAGNETO IS A LAW UNTO HIMSELF! On a side note, considering that super-powered beings are running around, tearing shit up willy-nilly, regular people in this universe are stunningly ignorant of their existence. That is some government cover-up.
The scene finishes with Magneto finally arriving at the Baxter Building and parking in a *gasp* no parking zone! That’s the villainous act of the century! Truly he is the greatest criminal mastermind in existence! What will he do next? Petty vandalism? Oh shit! The very sight of that no parking sign offends him! Yeah, you throw that dirty sign to the ground Magneto. It totally had it coming what with it being present and all. But seriously, Magneto has the ability to tear the Earth in half if he wants to, and this is the best he can muster? It’s an absolute disgrace. I don’t know how the Fantastic Four dealt with him and I don’t even care. They probably just called the senior’s home and told them one of their patients escaped and wandered into a Value Village before knocking at their door in a state of confusion. Whatever the case, I’m sure it was embarrassing for everyone involved.
Bonus points to whoever can come up with an even worse adaptation of a great character.
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