It’s been months since I went to that crazy restaurant, and I probably should have done this post much earlier, but even so it feels like only yesterday that I sat down to the strangest meal I’ve ever had in my life. I realize now that I will never forget about the dining experience that was Mexican Chicken Hof.
The place was recommended to us by a friend who described it as a Korean BBQ. So you can imagine my surprise when we got there and saw the sign proudly declaring it to be a Mexican restaurant. Also, it featured a cartoon chicken gleefully asking us to eat him. Already, before walking through the door, I could tell that this was going to be… special. Once inside, I was overwhelmed by the inconsistency of the décor. It looked like a flea market crossed with my grandpa’s basement and a museum of modern art that was also somehow a restaurant. There were bizarre paintings, tacky souvenirs, half-dead plants, and all manner of odds and ends. In a way, these furnishing suited the restaurant perfectly for the randomness seen all around would be reflected in the food they served.
After being seated, a colourful array of plastic cups was doled out to everybody before pitchers of water were passed around. And by “pitchers” I of course mean various Tupperware containers that might be used to hold cereal, of which no two were alike. This was soon followed by the appetizer: baskets of popcorn. Not any special kind of Korean or Mexican popcorn, but just regular popcorn that you get from a bag. I have nothing against popcorn, and indeed their popcorn tasted fine, but I couldn’t help but feel that none of this made any goddamn sense and I felt strangely uneasy while eating it. Next came the chicken which despite their differences in size and appearance, really only seemed to have two different varieties: deep-fried or spicy red sauce. The deep-fried one also came with honey-mustard sauce that kinda looked like mango pudding. This would be the most coherent part of the whole experience. The next course was corn covered in melted cheese which up until this point I never really thought of as a dish. In fact I still don’t. That being said, it tasted exactly like corn covered in cheese so I guess in that respect it was a success. Once that was all gone, they gave us some chili cheese fries. At this point I realized that we were in neither a Korean BBQ nor a Mexican Chicken Hof, but a restaurant epitomizing the Korean conception of a Mexican restaurant. This would be the closest I’d come to understanding the logic of the place, and even this loose comprehension was complicated by dessert which was of course sliced watermelon. Wait, fried chicken and watermelon? Is this the result of a Korean’s somewhat racist attempt to appeal to black people? If so, then why did they choose to set up shop in Burnaby? At this point I decided there probably wasn’t an answer to any of these questions and just accepted the place for what it was: crazy.
In closing, I left the place full, and relatively content with the quality and price of the food. I suppose if you were to take each individual element of Mexcian Chicken Hof and look at it by itself, then it seems reasonable enough, but when you put it all together you get one giant barrel of I-don’t-know-what-the-fuck.
Bonus points to whoever comments on their own bizarre dining experience.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Action Man Review
My friends and I were browsing through Netflix looking for some random show or movie to watch, as we often do on Friday nights, when we stumbled across a show under the anime section called Action Man. It didn’t really look like something that belonged in that category so we decided to watch an episode to see what it was all about. I shall do my best to relate the madness that followed.
The theme song starts off ordinarily enough with people jumping out of airplanes/tall buildings and/while driving military vehicles. At this point our best guess was that this was some sort of Japanese GI Joe rip-off. But then why would all the heroes be Aryan while the villain and his cronies look vaguely Asiatic? Maybe there’s something we just don’t get about Japanese culture. Then things start to get weird. In the middle of laser-firefight, Action Man comes to a complete halt and then there’s this trippy close-up on his eye like at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. In what I’m assuming is a flashback, Action Man is seen jumping around a cabin in the Alps which is being blown up by the villain. Suddenly he’s in a hospital bed with his face being unwrapped since apparently the cure for being in an explosion is plastic surgery. Then he says “Who am I?” in what qualifies as the worst voice acting I have ever heard in an opening sequence. An equally terrible computer voice announces that he has amnesia in case we couldn’t already figure that out. This must have been dubbed over by somebody who didn’t speak English as a first language. But before I can even come to grasp this insanity, they throw me another curve ball. All of a sudden it switches from animation to live action like it’s not even a thing. Live-Action Action Man proceeds to jump into and out of explosions in what I can only imagine is a subconscious attempt to relive the trauma that caused him to lose his memory. The opening sequence then comes to an end and the show begins proper.
My mind still reeling from what I just saw, the show opens with Live-Action Action Man dicking around on a jet ski painfully trying to shoehorn the word “extreme” into every other sentence. I think it may have been a competition by the writers and whoever can fit “extreme” the most times in a single scene doesn’t have to work on the next episode. Amazingly, it still sounds like his voice is dubbed over despite the fact that the actor is clearly white. Maybe it was dubbed into Japanese and then dubbed back? He then proceeds to jump his jet ski through an inferno for no reason other than to look extreme. It may have been more effective if he wasn’t fleeing from a trio of incredibly ineffective and completely non-threatening pajama-clad minions at the time. Suddenly it reverts to animation. And he’s on a space station. Here we meet the rest of his team: a blonde lady who could hardly be understood, an American who looked and talked like a Scotsman, and some useless loser in a wheelchair. His sole purpose in life is to sit at the computer, tell the useful people when trouble is happening, and then go back to doing nothing. For some reason he still travels with them on missions, but while he has to wheel himself down to the ship, the others get to go down the funslide as if to rub it in his face that he’s a cripple who can’t enjoy himself like regular people. Anyway, there’s some story about Professor Murder or whatever his name is acquiring nuclear weapons and must be stopped. Action Man falls into a trap at the hands of a woman who knew him in his past life, and since the rest of his team is completely inept and fail to launch a rescue operation he pretty much has to escape by himself. In the end the woman sort of helps him, they stop the plot, and then she runs away, but Action Man is confident he will see her again in a very extreme way. It then switches back to live-action and we are treated to this scene where Action Man looks inside his memory in this tripping balls scene consisting entirely of terrible CGI and the vain hope that we won’t notice (ie shininess). In this scene we learn absolutely nothing of interest. It then cuts to Action Man breaking character to teach us a life lesson about how it’s okay to make mistakes because extreme. End of episode.
Unsure of what it was I had witnessed I made a cursory search on Wikipedia to learn about this show’s history. It turns out it’s the British equivalent of GI Joe and has absolutely nothing to do with Japan. Somehow this just raised more questions than it answered.
Bonus points to anybody who posts a link to their own favorite terrible show.
The theme song starts off ordinarily enough with people jumping out of airplanes/tall buildings and/while driving military vehicles. At this point our best guess was that this was some sort of Japanese GI Joe rip-off. But then why would all the heroes be Aryan while the villain and his cronies look vaguely Asiatic? Maybe there’s something we just don’t get about Japanese culture. Then things start to get weird. In the middle of laser-firefight, Action Man comes to a complete halt and then there’s this trippy close-up on his eye like at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. In what I’m assuming is a flashback, Action Man is seen jumping around a cabin in the Alps which is being blown up by the villain. Suddenly he’s in a hospital bed with his face being unwrapped since apparently the cure for being in an explosion is plastic surgery. Then he says “Who am I?” in what qualifies as the worst voice acting I have ever heard in an opening sequence. An equally terrible computer voice announces that he has amnesia in case we couldn’t already figure that out. This must have been dubbed over by somebody who didn’t speak English as a first language. But before I can even come to grasp this insanity, they throw me another curve ball. All of a sudden it switches from animation to live action like it’s not even a thing. Live-Action Action Man proceeds to jump into and out of explosions in what I can only imagine is a subconscious attempt to relive the trauma that caused him to lose his memory. The opening sequence then comes to an end and the show begins proper.
My mind still reeling from what I just saw, the show opens with Live-Action Action Man dicking around on a jet ski painfully trying to shoehorn the word “extreme” into every other sentence. I think it may have been a competition by the writers and whoever can fit “extreme” the most times in a single scene doesn’t have to work on the next episode. Amazingly, it still sounds like his voice is dubbed over despite the fact that the actor is clearly white. Maybe it was dubbed into Japanese and then dubbed back? He then proceeds to jump his jet ski through an inferno for no reason other than to look extreme. It may have been more effective if he wasn’t fleeing from a trio of incredibly ineffective and completely non-threatening pajama-clad minions at the time. Suddenly it reverts to animation. And he’s on a space station. Here we meet the rest of his team: a blonde lady who could hardly be understood, an American who looked and talked like a Scotsman, and some useless loser in a wheelchair. His sole purpose in life is to sit at the computer, tell the useful people when trouble is happening, and then go back to doing nothing. For some reason he still travels with them on missions, but while he has to wheel himself down to the ship, the others get to go down the funslide as if to rub it in his face that he’s a cripple who can’t enjoy himself like regular people. Anyway, there’s some story about Professor Murder or whatever his name is acquiring nuclear weapons and must be stopped. Action Man falls into a trap at the hands of a woman who knew him in his past life, and since the rest of his team is completely inept and fail to launch a rescue operation he pretty much has to escape by himself. In the end the woman sort of helps him, they stop the plot, and then she runs away, but Action Man is confident he will see her again in a very extreme way. It then switches back to live-action and we are treated to this scene where Action Man looks inside his memory in this tripping balls scene consisting entirely of terrible CGI and the vain hope that we won’t notice (ie shininess). In this scene we learn absolutely nothing of interest. It then cuts to Action Man breaking character to teach us a life lesson about how it’s okay to make mistakes because extreme. End of episode.
Unsure of what it was I had witnessed I made a cursory search on Wikipedia to learn about this show’s history. It turns out it’s the British equivalent of GI Joe and has absolutely nothing to do with Japan. Somehow this just raised more questions than it answered.
Bonus points to anybody who posts a link to their own favorite terrible show.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
This little song was inspired by the title/premise of a book a friend of mine was reading. It is meant to be sung to the tune of Van Halen's "Jump".
We’ve been friends, despite our ups and downs.
Right to the end, even though you dress like a clown.
That being said, it’s all a part of your charm.
You look half-dead, I don’t mean you no harm.
Oh, I gotta tell you the truth
I just chill with you to boost my self-esteem
I know that it’s mean.
But I really need
My fat, ugly DUFF. DUFF!
Compared to my DUFF.
I’m really hot stuff. DUFF!
Oh, I love my DUFF.
Haa-oww! Hey you! Don’t be like that.
I know it’s cruel.
You say I’m shallow, yet you don’t know
How you always drool.
So, I gotta tell you the truth
That whenever we go out to hit the scene
I make you stand next to me
So that I seem pretty
Compared to my DUFF. DUFF!
My fat, ugly DUFF.
Oh, I love my DUFF. DUFF!
I’m really hot stuff.
We’ve been friends, despite our ups and downs.
Right to the end, even though you dress like a clown.
That being said, it’s all a part of your charm.
You look half-dead, I don’t mean you no harm.
Oh, I gotta tell you the truth
I just chill with you to boost my self-esteem
I know that it’s mean.
But I really need
My fat, ugly DUFF. DUFF!
Compared to my DUFF.
I’m really hot stuff. DUFF!
Oh, I love my DUFF.
Haa-oww! Hey you! Don’t be like that.
I know it’s cruel.
You say I’m shallow, yet you don’t know
How you always drool.
So, I gotta tell you the truth
That whenever we go out to hit the scene
I make you stand next to me
So that I seem pretty
Compared to my DUFF. DUFF!
My fat, ugly DUFF.
Oh, I love my DUFF. DUFF!
I’m really hot stuff.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
My Favourite Characters from 8 TV Shows I Watched this Summer
The summer break is over and we’re all back in school, and looking back at the past few months I realized I did jack all other than play video games and watch TV. Since I figure none of you want to hear about how I pwned that nub in TF2, I’ll take about the latter instead. So here are my favourite characters from the shows I watched this summer and why I love them so.
Dr. Gaius Baltar/No. 6 from Battlestar Galactica (Season 1)
At the start of the season I thought No.6 was a psycho bitch and Baltar an apologetic scumbag, but as the series progressed these two (who I’m putting together because No. 6 can normally only be seen by Baltar and appears to live inside his head. It’s kinda messed up) became increasingly fascinating. No. 6’s religious sensibilities are juxtaposed with Baltar’s scientific mind and together they struggle to understand their place in the universe. It’s never certain if you can trust either of them, or how interested they are in saving the human race, but the interactions of this odd couple are intriguing, and oftentimes somehow hilarious.
Jayne Cobb from Firefly
On a ship full of lovable, roguish misfits, Jayne perhaps best exemplifies all three of those qualities. He’s the closest anyone on the serenity comes to being a hardened criminal and in the end is mostly only looking out for himself, but he’s too stupid to be a serious threat which makes him all the more endearing. At times he does redeem himself and demonstrate some loyalty, but I like him best when he’s just being a dumb asshole. He’s hilarious, he’s none to bright, he tries to do the right thing in his own strange way, and he’s got a big-ass gun called Vera. He’s Jayne Cobb and I love him.
Dr. John Watson from Sherlock
The new BBC modern re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes is quite well done, but when it comes down to choosing a favourite character you really only have two options: Holmes or Watson. Though undoubtedly a fascinating, clever, and entertaining character, I have always found Sherlock to be a bit too much like a robot to form an emotional connection with, so I always lean towards his slower though more relatable companion. Holmes will always be Holmes, but Watson shows more capacity for change as he tries to move on with his life upon returning from the war, and finds some meaning and a purpose through his roommate. I also find that I tend to gravitate towards the voice of reason in any book/movie/TV show, and although Sherlock is supposed to be the smart one, I find that Watson tends to fill that role more often than not whenever Sherlock gets carried away with a case.
Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones
There are many great characters in George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series such as Jon Snow or Arya Stark, and most all of them are well-rounded without falling too deeply into the categories of pure hero or evil villain, but Tyrion is without a doubt the funniest and most ambiguous of them all. Due to his dwarfism and ugliness, very few characters like or trust him and most think him a craven. Ironically he turns out to be one of the most noble and bravest characters on the show who tries to do the right thing even if it might put him in harms way, though will adopt an “ends justify the means policy” if he must and is not above manipulating people to serve his purposes. On top of his cleverness, he also has a very sharp tongue and many of the best lines in the first season can be attributed to him with many more to come in those to follow.
Harold Weir from Freaks and Geeks
This is another tough show to choose a favourite character from since they’re all pretty cool despite being freaks and geeks, but I’m going to have to go with the paternal figure of Harold Weir played by Joe Flaherty. He’s portrayed as your typical television dad, but due to the massive generational gap between him and his children, he comes off more as a buffoon than the wise, all-knowing father figure of Leave it to Beaver. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t really get his kids and resorts to silly threats and ridiculous stories to keep them in line. That being said, he does his best to keep them happy and cares about his children, but he understands sporting goods better than he understands them. The end result is a funny and endearing character who is simultaneously a parody of and homage to the sitcom father of old.
The Zen Bear from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
It never says a word at any point in the series and has no relevance to any of the plots or characters, yet somehow The Zen Bear represents the heart of what makes Harvey Birdman what it is: sheer randomness and absurdity. It pops up at the oddest times, normally in the background, standing upright and always smiling. Nobody questions why there is a bipedal bear running around a major law firm. And why should they? It does no harm. It just exists and is content. Nothing about it makes any sense, but with The Zen Bear, it doesn’t have to.
Annie Edison from Community
There are many reasons why Annie is my favourite character. One reason is that Alison Brie is hot. Another is that she plays Trudy on Mad Men, one my favourite shows ever. But mostly it’s because she’s hot. Also, she’s a decent human being who cares the most about other’s people’s feelings and maintaining friendship. And as those who know me can tell you, friendship is very important to me. It doesn’t hurt that she has a head on her shoulders and I think she knows a lot more about how to bend people to her will than she lets on. She’s learning what it takes to make it in the world, and luckily she wants to use that knowledge to help people.
The Feminist Bookstore Ladies from Portlandia
It can be hard to pick a favourite character from a sketch comedy series since most only appear once or twice, but in Portlandia’s case I had to go with the bizarre duo who run a feminist bookshop (though the mayor of Portland is a close second). Part of the reason why I like them probably has to do with the fact that my older sister is a feminist and I enjoy jokes made at her expense. And in this instance the joke is hilarious. The two ladies are incredibly pretentious, almost as much as they are incapable of being helpful to customers. Whenever somebody walks in, they spend most of the time standing behind the counter being useless while verbally accosting the patron which culminates in the woman played by Fred Armisen in drag making an absurd and disturbing threat. It’s wonderful.
Bonus points to whoever has seen at least one episode from all of these shows.
Dr. Gaius Baltar/No. 6 from Battlestar Galactica (Season 1)
At the start of the season I thought No.6 was a psycho bitch and Baltar an apologetic scumbag, but as the series progressed these two (who I’m putting together because No. 6 can normally only be seen by Baltar and appears to live inside his head. It’s kinda messed up) became increasingly fascinating. No. 6’s religious sensibilities are juxtaposed with Baltar’s scientific mind and together they struggle to understand their place in the universe. It’s never certain if you can trust either of them, or how interested they are in saving the human race, but the interactions of this odd couple are intriguing, and oftentimes somehow hilarious.
Jayne Cobb from Firefly
On a ship full of lovable, roguish misfits, Jayne perhaps best exemplifies all three of those qualities. He’s the closest anyone on the serenity comes to being a hardened criminal and in the end is mostly only looking out for himself, but he’s too stupid to be a serious threat which makes him all the more endearing. At times he does redeem himself and demonstrate some loyalty, but I like him best when he’s just being a dumb asshole. He’s hilarious, he’s none to bright, he tries to do the right thing in his own strange way, and he’s got a big-ass gun called Vera. He’s Jayne Cobb and I love him.
Dr. John Watson from Sherlock
The new BBC modern re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes is quite well done, but when it comes down to choosing a favourite character you really only have two options: Holmes or Watson. Though undoubtedly a fascinating, clever, and entertaining character, I have always found Sherlock to be a bit too much like a robot to form an emotional connection with, so I always lean towards his slower though more relatable companion. Holmes will always be Holmes, but Watson shows more capacity for change as he tries to move on with his life upon returning from the war, and finds some meaning and a purpose through his roommate. I also find that I tend to gravitate towards the voice of reason in any book/movie/TV show, and although Sherlock is supposed to be the smart one, I find that Watson tends to fill that role more often than not whenever Sherlock gets carried away with a case.
Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones
There are many great characters in George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series such as Jon Snow or Arya Stark, and most all of them are well-rounded without falling too deeply into the categories of pure hero or evil villain, but Tyrion is without a doubt the funniest and most ambiguous of them all. Due to his dwarfism and ugliness, very few characters like or trust him and most think him a craven. Ironically he turns out to be one of the most noble and bravest characters on the show who tries to do the right thing even if it might put him in harms way, though will adopt an “ends justify the means policy” if he must and is not above manipulating people to serve his purposes. On top of his cleverness, he also has a very sharp tongue and many of the best lines in the first season can be attributed to him with many more to come in those to follow.
Harold Weir from Freaks and Geeks
This is another tough show to choose a favourite character from since they’re all pretty cool despite being freaks and geeks, but I’m going to have to go with the paternal figure of Harold Weir played by Joe Flaherty. He’s portrayed as your typical television dad, but due to the massive generational gap between him and his children, he comes off more as a buffoon than the wise, all-knowing father figure of Leave it to Beaver. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t really get his kids and resorts to silly threats and ridiculous stories to keep them in line. That being said, he does his best to keep them happy and cares about his children, but he understands sporting goods better than he understands them. The end result is a funny and endearing character who is simultaneously a parody of and homage to the sitcom father of old.
The Zen Bear from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
It never says a word at any point in the series and has no relevance to any of the plots or characters, yet somehow The Zen Bear represents the heart of what makes Harvey Birdman what it is: sheer randomness and absurdity. It pops up at the oddest times, normally in the background, standing upright and always smiling. Nobody questions why there is a bipedal bear running around a major law firm. And why should they? It does no harm. It just exists and is content. Nothing about it makes any sense, but with The Zen Bear, it doesn’t have to.
Annie Edison from Community
There are many reasons why Annie is my favourite character. One reason is that Alison Brie is hot. Another is that she plays Trudy on Mad Men, one my favourite shows ever. But mostly it’s because she’s hot. Also, she’s a decent human being who cares the most about other’s people’s feelings and maintaining friendship. And as those who know me can tell you, friendship is very important to me. It doesn’t hurt that she has a head on her shoulders and I think she knows a lot more about how to bend people to her will than she lets on. She’s learning what it takes to make it in the world, and luckily she wants to use that knowledge to help people.
The Feminist Bookstore Ladies from Portlandia
It can be hard to pick a favourite character from a sketch comedy series since most only appear once or twice, but in Portlandia’s case I had to go with the bizarre duo who run a feminist bookshop (though the mayor of Portland is a close second). Part of the reason why I like them probably has to do with the fact that my older sister is a feminist and I enjoy jokes made at her expense. And in this instance the joke is hilarious. The two ladies are incredibly pretentious, almost as much as they are incapable of being helpful to customers. Whenever somebody walks in, they spend most of the time standing behind the counter being useless while verbally accosting the patron which culminates in the woman played by Fred Armisen in drag making an absurd and disturbing threat. It’s wonderful.
Bonus points to whoever has seen at least one episode from all of these shows.
Monday, August 29, 2011
A Piece of PAX
I headed down to the city of Seattle,
To claim for myself a piece of PAX.
They herded us into endless lines like cattle,
With nary a moment to relax.
There was so much to see, so much to do,
And so much standing in hour-long queues.
Despite the waits, all were high in morale,
With devs presenting and fans filled with cheers,
Plus helpful enforcers and plenty of pals,
Made for an invigorating atmosphere.
Many came as their favourite characters, complete with blades,
And one came as a cross-dressing, black, male maid.
Come night we made for PC Freeplay
To satisfy our lust for friendship and fun.
In TF2 I play as Heavy to blow my foes away.
I take twisted joy in dismembering zombies with guns.
We cycle in and out, playing games into the morning hours.
By the time we leave we are completely out of power.
Day two begins with a battle of wits,
To see who has what it takes to win at Dominion.
After some ups and downs I place fifth,
Which isn’t too bad in my opinion.
One lesson I leaned and I learned it hard,
I really fucking hate the Witch card.
At this point I had a difficult choice to make:
To attend the Skyrim panel and perhaps gain some loot,
Or watch Gabe, Tycho, Wil, and Scott play a D&D game.
I went to the latter with no regrets, it was a hoot.
There were so many nerd references I couldn’t keep track.
And the jokes kept flowing in an endless attack.
On the last day I awoke early and rushed to the hall
To reserve my spot in line and be first to play Guild Wars 2.
When the doors opened I sped through the thrall
To play my asura thief at the ArenaNet booth.
With pistols in hand I brought down all in my path,
And holy shit this game kicks all sorts of ass.
The final hours of PAX were upon us like lightning.
We stormed through the expo hall snatching up all we saw.
We played demos, entered raffles, shirts and hats were flying,
And as I watch this chaos my mind gnaws
On all the swag left unclaimed,
And all the games left unplayed.
As I sit at the border upon my return
Waiting for customs in the final line,
I think back fondly on what I have earned
From that fun-filled exposition of mine.
Though now it seems a hectic dream,
I long for the peace of PAX Prima.
To claim for myself a piece of PAX.
They herded us into endless lines like cattle,
With nary a moment to relax.
There was so much to see, so much to do,
And so much standing in hour-long queues.
Despite the waits, all were high in morale,
With devs presenting and fans filled with cheers,
Plus helpful enforcers and plenty of pals,
Made for an invigorating atmosphere.
Many came as their favourite characters, complete with blades,
And one came as a cross-dressing, black, male maid.
Come night we made for PC Freeplay
To satisfy our lust for friendship and fun.
In TF2 I play as Heavy to blow my foes away.
I take twisted joy in dismembering zombies with guns.
We cycle in and out, playing games into the morning hours.
By the time we leave we are completely out of power.
Day two begins with a battle of wits,
To see who has what it takes to win at Dominion.
After some ups and downs I place fifth,
Which isn’t too bad in my opinion.
One lesson I leaned and I learned it hard,
I really fucking hate the Witch card.
At this point I had a difficult choice to make:
To attend the Skyrim panel and perhaps gain some loot,
Or watch Gabe, Tycho, Wil, and Scott play a D&D game.
I went to the latter with no regrets, it was a hoot.
There were so many nerd references I couldn’t keep track.
And the jokes kept flowing in an endless attack.
On the last day I awoke early and rushed to the hall
To reserve my spot in line and be first to play Guild Wars 2.
When the doors opened I sped through the thrall
To play my asura thief at the ArenaNet booth.
With pistols in hand I brought down all in my path,
And holy shit this game kicks all sorts of ass.
The final hours of PAX were upon us like lightning.
We stormed through the expo hall snatching up all we saw.
We played demos, entered raffles, shirts and hats were flying,
And as I watch this chaos my mind gnaws
On all the swag left unclaimed,
And all the games left unplayed.
As I sit at the border upon my return
Waiting for customs in the final line,
I think back fondly on what I have earned
From that fun-filled exposition of mine.
Though now it seems a hectic dream,
I long for the peace of PAX Prima.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Fireworks + Grouse Grind
Since us members of Board Game Club have been accused of being lazy shut-ins who sit in dark rooms playing D&D all day, I've decided to make an effort to make us appear more outgoing. To these ends we'll be having a picnic/get-together on Wed. August 3rd to watch Spain's fireworks show. We'll meet around 3pm, find a spot to set up, and the eat/play games/enjoy friendship until the show starts at around 10.
Also, some of us are going to do the Grouse Grind. The tentative date for this is this coming Sunday or Monday, but if that's too short notice we can push it back. Some of you may think this too physically demanding, but if Taylor can do it then I'm sure we can all manage.
Also, some of us are going to do the Grouse Grind. The tentative date for this is this coming Sunday or Monday, but if that's too short notice we can push it back. Some of you may think this too physically demanding, but if Taylor can do it then I'm sure we can all manage.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Why HBO Needs to Turn Preacher into a TV Series
I just finished reading Garth Ennis’ graphic novel series, Preacher, and I must say that it is the most badass awesome thing I’ve ever read. For those of you who don’t know, the comic tells the story of a Texan preacher named Jesse Custer who gets possessed by an entity known as Genesis, a being who is potentially superior to even God in power. He then sets off with his girlfriend, Tulip, and his vampire best-friend, Cassidy, to find out what the deal with Genesis is and to confront God while numerous threats try to impede their progress. Needless to say, it’s epic, and upon completion my first thought was that HBO should turn this into a show. It would be perfect for them. After a cursory search on Wikipedia, I discovered that HBO did have a Preacher show in the works, but the material was apparently even too hardcore for them and they pussied out. Even though I’m fairly certain there is no HBO executive amoungst my readership, I shall nonetheless explain why they should give it another go.
Awesome Characters
Virtually every character in Preacher has a story to tell. Every porn star on the run, grubby hobo, and castrated mobster gets a chance to have their say, and they’re all awesome in their own way. And that’s not saying anything about the main cast who are all ridiculously badass and entertaining. You’ve got the ever-noble and skilled hand-to-hand combatant Jesse who can make anybody do whatever he says courtesy of Genesis. Cassidy, the hard-drinking, incredibly strong, and nigh invincible Irish vampire who’s quick with a joke and even quicker with a punch if you try to step on his best mate. Then there’s Tulip who’s easily the most badass women to ever grace the pages of a comic book with her deadly sharpshooting skills, sexiness, and just a pinch of crazy (especially when it comes to Jesse). Deadliest of them all is the aptly named Saint of Killers who you don’t want to be within 100 miles of if you value your life. Herr Starr is a strange combination of ridiculous and badass with his calculating and relentless approach to his purpose and his problems while also making time for disturbing sexual fetishes. And perhaps the greatest of them all is Arseface who maintains a positive outlook on life despite his hideous appearance which makes most everyone barf when they see him. Forget all this Edward vs. Jacob bullshit and instead imagine a Jesse vs. Cassidy vs. Saint vs. Starr vs. Tulip vs. Arseface battle as fans debate who is the more awesome. Even I can’t decide who’d win in that matchup. Wait, yes I can. HBO would as they’d reap in the ratings while everybody fell in love with the characters on the show and would be quoting them constantly, which brings me to…
Badass Dialogue
Any show on HBO worth its salt has top-notch writing and when comes to Preacher, it’s really not all that hard to accomplish. There’s so much badass, poignant, and hilarious dialogue that you could pretty much just copy paste everything and call it a day. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look for yourself at some of the best quotes taken out of context:
Saint of Killers: There ain’t worse than me in all of Hell. Go an’ look.
Herr Starr: Ah… I have an erection.
Jesse: You turn your back on your friend, you may as well go ahead an’ join the Asshole Squad,’cause you just became one more reason why the damn world’s gone to Hell.
Cassidy: Tell me, Doctor Cassidy: How would you treat a large caliber gunshot wound resulting in massive tissue and blood loss? “Well, I would obviously recommend drinking a couple of morons worth of fresh blood and letting the wound heal up by itself.”
Tulip: Do you remember when we first met, T.C.? Do you remember what you called me? Well this cooze does have a name. It’s Tulip.
And that is just a very, very small sample of some of the many great things they say. When you add it all together, it not only makes for what could be one of the most quotable shows on the planet, but also for a great story that makes for…
An American Epic
There are very few works which can say that. The only other ones I can think of are The Godfather (Parts I and II. Part III can suck it) and Gone with the Wind. And just like both of those, Preacher deserves a live-action adaptation which I’m certain will receive similar levels of critical praise and popularity. Perhaps even more so since Ennis’ opus works on a scale that hasn’t been seen since Milton wrote Paradise Lost. It has everything you were taught constitutes an epic in high school: supernatural beings, larger-than-life heroes, a massive setting, and rather than make use of archaic language it inverts it with interesting effects (think of Cassidy’s Irish dialect, Arseface’s mumbling, or Jesse’s down-home southern accent). These are just the surface features however. The real meat of it and the major theme that runs across the whole series is America and what it means to be American. Every story that’s told and most every character that’s met is a reflection of this theme and what you see might not always be pretty (more often than not it’s downright hideous), but it speaks volumes on what America is, was, and could be. Now I may be Canadian, but I can still appreciate what Ennis has done because he presents it in such an entertaining and gripping package that is bound to attract audiences. It doesn’t hurt that he’s liberally laced the story with ample amounts of…
Controversy
A little bit of controversy can go a long way to improving a show’s popularity, and boy does Preacher have controversy written all over it. First and foremost, the primary antagonist is God so all those religious types are bound to be offended. As if that wasn’t enough, religion and those who serve it are in general portrayed as farcical and/or sinister. I’m pretty sure the Pope will be legally obligated to condemn this which will spark protests from religious groups, and the popularity of the show will consequently skyrocket. They also have a Christian conspiracy similar to what is seen in The Da Vinci Code (except for Preacher came first and has a rather hilarious twist) which led to condemnation from numerous church organizations and we all know how well that worked out for Dan Brown. And that’s just the religious dimensions of the controversy. I haven’t even mentioned all the many, many other aspects people could easily take offense to. I am of course speaking of all the…
Sex, Drugs, and Violence
No show on HBO would be complete without at least one these three things and Preacher has you more than covered in all of these areas. From the drug angle you have Cassidy who’s been addicted for the better part of his century-long vampiric career and boy does he get into some deep shit because of it. Scarcely a page goes by where somebody isn’t taking a drag on a cigarette or a swig of whiskey. Healthy habits is not an issue for these people is what I’m trying to say, but they make drinking and smoking look cool which is 50% of the reason why people watch Mad Men. The other 50% is fucking, and don’t you worry HBO, Preacher offers plenty of opportunities to show tits and ass like you oh-so-love to do. For starters, Jesse and Tulip are perhaps the hottest couple in comic book history and they are constantly fucking. It’s pretty much masturbation material for anybody regardless of gender or sexual orientation and they’re goddamn cartoons. Just imagine how it would be with two attractive actors. Yeah, that’s right. You are now currently touching yourselves. Don’t even deny it. On top of that you have the weird shit Herr Starr likes to do with prostitutes, and those are just the major characters. And then there’s the violence. I think 90% of the reason why Garth Ennis wrote Preacher was to have people die in the most graphically extreme ways possible. Faces get ripped off, people are burned alive, large chunks of bodies get blown away, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can’t think of a single character who dies a natural death. Come on HBO. I’ve seen Rome. You guys love this sort of thing. Preacher could be like True Blood, Deadwood, and Game of Thrones all rolled into one. There is no reason why you shouldn’t make this into a show, so grow a backbone, get off your asses, and start making this!
Awesome Characters
Virtually every character in Preacher has a story to tell. Every porn star on the run, grubby hobo, and castrated mobster gets a chance to have their say, and they’re all awesome in their own way. And that’s not saying anything about the main cast who are all ridiculously badass and entertaining. You’ve got the ever-noble and skilled hand-to-hand combatant Jesse who can make anybody do whatever he says courtesy of Genesis. Cassidy, the hard-drinking, incredibly strong, and nigh invincible Irish vampire who’s quick with a joke and even quicker with a punch if you try to step on his best mate. Then there’s Tulip who’s easily the most badass women to ever grace the pages of a comic book with her deadly sharpshooting skills, sexiness, and just a pinch of crazy (especially when it comes to Jesse). Deadliest of them all is the aptly named Saint of Killers who you don’t want to be within 100 miles of if you value your life. Herr Starr is a strange combination of ridiculous and badass with his calculating and relentless approach to his purpose and his problems while also making time for disturbing sexual fetishes. And perhaps the greatest of them all is Arseface who maintains a positive outlook on life despite his hideous appearance which makes most everyone barf when they see him. Forget all this Edward vs. Jacob bullshit and instead imagine a Jesse vs. Cassidy vs. Saint vs. Starr vs. Tulip vs. Arseface battle as fans debate who is the more awesome. Even I can’t decide who’d win in that matchup. Wait, yes I can. HBO would as they’d reap in the ratings while everybody fell in love with the characters on the show and would be quoting them constantly, which brings me to…
Badass Dialogue
Any show on HBO worth its salt has top-notch writing and when comes to Preacher, it’s really not all that hard to accomplish. There’s so much badass, poignant, and hilarious dialogue that you could pretty much just copy paste everything and call it a day. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look for yourself at some of the best quotes taken out of context:
Saint of Killers: There ain’t worse than me in all of Hell. Go an’ look.
Herr Starr: Ah… I have an erection.
Jesse: You turn your back on your friend, you may as well go ahead an’ join the Asshole Squad,’cause you just became one more reason why the damn world’s gone to Hell.
Cassidy: Tell me, Doctor Cassidy: How would you treat a large caliber gunshot wound resulting in massive tissue and blood loss? “Well, I would obviously recommend drinking a couple of morons worth of fresh blood and letting the wound heal up by itself.”
Tulip: Do you remember when we first met, T.C.? Do you remember what you called me? Well this cooze does have a name. It’s Tulip.
And that is just a very, very small sample of some of the many great things they say. When you add it all together, it not only makes for what could be one of the most quotable shows on the planet, but also for a great story that makes for…
An American Epic
There are very few works which can say that. The only other ones I can think of are The Godfather (Parts I and II. Part III can suck it) and Gone with the Wind. And just like both of those, Preacher deserves a live-action adaptation which I’m certain will receive similar levels of critical praise and popularity. Perhaps even more so since Ennis’ opus works on a scale that hasn’t been seen since Milton wrote Paradise Lost. It has everything you were taught constitutes an epic in high school: supernatural beings, larger-than-life heroes, a massive setting, and rather than make use of archaic language it inverts it with interesting effects (think of Cassidy’s Irish dialect, Arseface’s mumbling, or Jesse’s down-home southern accent). These are just the surface features however. The real meat of it and the major theme that runs across the whole series is America and what it means to be American. Every story that’s told and most every character that’s met is a reflection of this theme and what you see might not always be pretty (more often than not it’s downright hideous), but it speaks volumes on what America is, was, and could be. Now I may be Canadian, but I can still appreciate what Ennis has done because he presents it in such an entertaining and gripping package that is bound to attract audiences. It doesn’t hurt that he’s liberally laced the story with ample amounts of…
Controversy
A little bit of controversy can go a long way to improving a show’s popularity, and boy does Preacher have controversy written all over it. First and foremost, the primary antagonist is God so all those religious types are bound to be offended. As if that wasn’t enough, religion and those who serve it are in general portrayed as farcical and/or sinister. I’m pretty sure the Pope will be legally obligated to condemn this which will spark protests from religious groups, and the popularity of the show will consequently skyrocket. They also have a Christian conspiracy similar to what is seen in The Da Vinci Code (except for Preacher came first and has a rather hilarious twist) which led to condemnation from numerous church organizations and we all know how well that worked out for Dan Brown. And that’s just the religious dimensions of the controversy. I haven’t even mentioned all the many, many other aspects people could easily take offense to. I am of course speaking of all the…
Sex, Drugs, and Violence
No show on HBO would be complete without at least one these three things and Preacher has you more than covered in all of these areas. From the drug angle you have Cassidy who’s been addicted for the better part of his century-long vampiric career and boy does he get into some deep shit because of it. Scarcely a page goes by where somebody isn’t taking a drag on a cigarette or a swig of whiskey. Healthy habits is not an issue for these people is what I’m trying to say, but they make drinking and smoking look cool which is 50% of the reason why people watch Mad Men. The other 50% is fucking, and don’t you worry HBO, Preacher offers plenty of opportunities to show tits and ass like you oh-so-love to do. For starters, Jesse and Tulip are perhaps the hottest couple in comic book history and they are constantly fucking. It’s pretty much masturbation material for anybody regardless of gender or sexual orientation and they’re goddamn cartoons. Just imagine how it would be with two attractive actors. Yeah, that’s right. You are now currently touching yourselves. Don’t even deny it. On top of that you have the weird shit Herr Starr likes to do with prostitutes, and those are just the major characters. And then there’s the violence. I think 90% of the reason why Garth Ennis wrote Preacher was to have people die in the most graphically extreme ways possible. Faces get ripped off, people are burned alive, large chunks of bodies get blown away, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I can’t think of a single character who dies a natural death. Come on HBO. I’ve seen Rome. You guys love this sort of thing. Preacher could be like True Blood, Deadwood, and Game of Thrones all rolled into one. There is no reason why you shouldn’t make this into a show, so grow a backbone, get off your asses, and start making this!
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