A few months ago my dad realized that with the hundreds of TV channels we have access to he can conceivably watch reruns of Friends all day long. Since making this life-altering discovery he spends almost all of his free time watching old episodes to the point that my mother banished him to the basement because if she has to listen to that saccharine theme song one more time then she will actually flip a table. Suffice to say, his addiction to the sitcom has become a source of worry for us, so we decided it would be best to dissuade him from his obsession, or, failing that, to forcibly cut him off. Because seriously, Friends isn’t that great of a show, and there’s so much quality television on now I have no idea why you’d have to dwell on it. What follows is a transcription of what transpired to the best of my recollection.
Me: Alright, Dad. I think you’ve watched enough Friends for today. It’s time to take a break and maybe do something constructive. Like play your WWII computer game with that Russian guy.
Mom: Turn off the goddamned TV, Bob!
Dad: But I haven’t seen this one!
Me: There’s like 200 episodes, Dad. You probably have seen it and just don’t remember.
Dad: No, I’d definitely remember this one. It’s the one where Ross and Rachel hit a rough patch in their relationship.
Mom: When will it end! I don’t understand the appeal at all!
Dad: I’ll stop once I’m certain that I’ve re-watched all of them. And the appeal is that it’s funny.
Me: Firstly, the only sitcom more overrated is Big Bang Theory, and secondly, over 200 freakin’ episodes!
Dad: Hey, that’s an idea! I should re-watch all of Big Bang Theory when I’m done with this!
Me: …that was not my idea… at all.
Dad: Isn’t that the show that was canceled.
Dad: Well it can’t be that good if it got canceled. Friends ran for 10 successful seasons and it’s just great!
(At this point my sister ran up to her room where she blasted Edith Piaf music until she went to bed)
Mom: I just don’t know what to do anymore!
Me: It’s alright mom, I think I can handle this you just go upstairs and do some laundry.
Mom: Ok, but if I come down here tomorrow, and he’s still watching Friends, then I’m totally going to flip a table.
Me: So dad, do you know what day it was yesterday.
Dad: I’m not totally out of it son, it was Sunday.
Me: And do you know what’s on Sunday?
Me: Yes, that’s on everyday, but do you know what else was on?
Dad: Ah crap, I didn’t forget another anniversary again did
I. Is that why your mother’s mad?
Me: No, it’s May. Your anniversary isn’t for a while. She’s just mad because you watch Friends all day long instead of, you know, doing literally anything else.
Dad: I have no idea then.
Me: Game of Thrones is on Sunday. You missed it this week.
Me: Don’t worry, I recorded it for you, but next time I may not be so generous.
Dad: What have I become!
Me: There, there. It’s okay.
Dad: It’s just,
is so cool.
Me: I know dad, but you know what
Chandler did? He moved on. Friends ended and he went off to live
his fictional life and do other things. He probably watches Game of Thrones.
Dad: Alright, alright. I’ll stop watching Friends. I’ll catch up on Game of Thrones, and then maybe start watching that Mad Men show you’re always talking about.
Me: That’s the spirit! I’m going upstairs now and tell mom of the progress we’ve made today.
Mom: So, how did it go?
Me: It went well. I think he’ll be alright.
Me: What are you watching?
Mom: Sex in the City.