A few months ago my dad realized that with the hundreds of
TV channels we have access to he can conceivably watch reruns of Friends all day long. Since making this
life-altering discovery he spends almost all of his free time watching old
episodes to the point that my mother banished him to the basement because if
she has to listen to that saccharine theme song one more time then she will
actually flip a table. Suffice to say, his addiction to the sitcom has become a
source of worry for us, so we decided it would be best to dissuade him from his
obsession, or, failing that, to forcibly cut him off. Because seriously, Friends isn’t that great of a show, and
there’s so much quality television on now I have no idea why you’d have to
dwell on it. What follows is a transcription of what transpired to the best of
my recollection.
Me: Alright, Dad. I think you’ve watched enough Friends for today. It’s time to take a
break and maybe do something constructive. Like play your WWII computer game
with that Russian guy.
Mom: Turn off the goddamned TV, Bob!
Dad: But I haven’t seen this one!
Me: There’s like 200 episodes, Dad. You probably have seen
it and just don’t remember.
Dad: No, I’d definitely remember this one. It’s the one
where Ross and Rachel hit a rough patch in their relationship.
Mom: When will it end! I don’t understand the appeal at all!
Dad: I’ll stop once I’m certain that I’ve re-watched all of
them. And the appeal is that it’s funny.
Me: Firstly, the only sitcom more overrated is Big Bang Theory, and secondly, over 200
freakin’ episodes!
Dad: Hey, that’s an idea! I should re-watch all of Big Bang
Theory when I’m done with this!
Me: …that was not my idea… at all.
Dad: Isn’t that the show that was canceled.
Dad: Well it can’t be that good if it got canceled. Friends ran for 10 successful seasons
and it’s just great!
(At this point my sister ran up to her room where she
blasted Edith Piaf music until she went to bed)
Mom: I just don’t know what to do anymore!
Me: It’s alright mom, I think I can handle this you just go
upstairs and do some laundry.
Mom: Ok, but if I come down here tomorrow, and he’s still
watching Friends, then I’m totally
going to flip a table.
Me: So dad, do you know what day it was yesterday.
Dad: I’m not totally out of it son, it was Sunday.
Me: And do you know what’s on Sunday?
Dad: Friends!
Me: Yes, that’s on everyday, but do you know what else was
on?
Dad: Ah crap, I didn’t forget another anniversary again did I. Is that why your mother’s mad?
Me: No, it’s May. Your anniversary isn’t for a while. She’s
just mad because you watch Friends
all day long instead of, you know, doing literally anything else.
Dad: I have no idea then.
Me: Game of Thrones
is on Sunday. You missed it this week.
Dad: *gasp*
Me: Don’t worry, I recorded it for you, but next time I may
not be so generous.
Dad: What have I become!
Me: There, there. It’s okay.
Dad: It’s just, Chandler
is so cool.
Me: I know dad, but you know what Chandler did? He moved on. Friends ended and he went off to live
his fictional life and do other things. He probably watches Game of Thrones.
Dad: Alright, alright. I’ll stop watching Friends. I’ll catch up on Game of Thrones, and then maybe start
watching that Mad Men show you’re
always talking about.
Me: That’s the spirit! I’m going upstairs now and tell mom
of the progress we’ve made today.
Mom: So, how did it go?
Me: It went well. I think he’ll be alright.
Mom: Good.
Me: What are you watching?
Mom: Sex in the City.
Me: FFFFFFFFFFF-
