Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Rules I Live By

This post could just of easily been called, "Bizarre and Irrational Habits that I Have," but I prefer to think of myself as infallible. Which may also be a bizarre and irrational habit that I have. Well, without further ado, I present the list.

1. Always wear socks
As some people have noticed, I virtually never go barefoot. I always wear socks no matter what. The only two exceptions are when I'm swimming, and when I'm going to bed. If somebody were to steal all the socks in my house, I'd probably have a nervous breakdown. It's not that I have webbed toes or are am ashamed of my feet or anything. It's just that I distrust the cleanliness of the ground. Who knows what's down there. There could be any number of bodily fluids, icky bugs, pieces of glass, rusty nails, etc., and I don't want any of those things coming into contact with my precious skin. Oddly enough, I really don't care if my socks have holes in them, no matter how gaping they are, which pretty much makes wearing them redundant. In fact, the more I think about it, the more absurd this core belief of mine seems. But it's gotten me this far in life without killing me, so I see no reason to stop.

Me at the beach.

2. Never drink coffee
I've come to the conclusion that coffee is bad for you based on virtually no scientific evidence. People always say how they can't live without the buzz from their morning cup of coffee, yet I've been doing just fine without it, and I bet they did just fine before they started drinking it. I think it's become an addiction for many people and now they're just making excuses. Coffee is the cigarette of the modern era. Everybody does it without questioning it or wondering if maybe all that caffeine has any negative side effects. It's pretty much a drug, and believe it or not, I don't do drugs. I hardly even drink alcohol. Yeah, I am pretty fucked up like that. Also, coffee tastes like shit.

Could you live in a world without coffee?

3. Always have a #2 pencil on hand
This one I don't strictly adhere too, but I do have an undying love for pencils. I prefer the classic orange HB #2 pencils, but one of those fancy push pencils will do in a pinch. I like the convenience of being able to erase mistakes, whereas with pens you either have to use white-out and wait for it to dry, or just scratch out your mistake which makes your writing look like crap. Also, you don't have to worry about it running out of ink. If it gets a bit dull, you just give it a few twists in the sharpener and then you're back to maximum efficiency. I think pencils are the most underrated tool that mankind has ever invented, and it's high time we give it the recognition it deserves. Though I do have one question. Has anybody ever seen or used a #1 pencil?

From my cold, dead hands!

4. Set aside time every day for contemplation
This is a nice way of saying I daydream a lot, and value that time I spend each day in deep thought. It can happen at any time, normally on the bus, or before I go to bed, or when I am bored in class, and sometimes at home when nothing in particular is happening. There can be any number of things running through my mind from how I'm going to survive a zombie apocalypse to what I'm going to write for my next blog post. Sometimes my propensity for daydreaming exhibits itself in weird and very public ways. Often I'll start talking aloud to myself, or I'll pace back and forth which I believe is a habit I picked up from my papa (grandpa, not dad for those frenchies out there) since I've noticed he tends to do the same thing. In addition, I've noticed that he'll read aloud signs he passes on the road for no particular reason at all, a habit which I also seem to have acquired. Does this all make me insane? I'd rather not think about the answer to that question.

Like this except with more crazy and less nudity as I'd be wearing socks.

5. There's nothing wrong with procrastination
Believe it or not, I used to be very dedicated to my school work. I'd spend hours doing research, solving problems, and checking my answers. But at some point around grade 7 or 8, I discovered that I could put in the bare minimum effort and still get between 80 and 95% on my work. This was, for better or for worse (probably worse), a life changing epiphany for me. Now instead of coming own and plopping myself down to work on that writing assignment or math problems, I just sit at the computer playing video games, or in front of the TV watching Netflix. I figure that i can just write that term paper the night before and still pull off an A-. If I actually applied myself I could probably be an A+ student and have a lot more money than I currently do. But that sounds like it would take a lot of effort. So I'd rather not.

I would have come up with my own pithy slogan, but I didn't feel like it.

6. Let the ladies come to me

When it comes to relationships, my attitude is if a girl is interested in me, then let her come ask me out. Why should the guys always have to do that job? I'm pleased to say that my methods have met with a 100% success rate in that I've never had a girlfriend. I like to think that it's because of my abrasive and offensive personality. For some strange reason that thought gives me comfort. Maybe it's because it makes me feel as though I didn't have to compromise my values or personality for the sake of pleasing a woman. Or maybe because it prevents me from coming to the conclusion that I'm a coward for not asking anybody out. Whichever it is, I'm just glad I don't have to waste any money on a girlfriend.

Natascha is the only woman I need! Now give me a minute while I sob in a corner.

Bonus points to whoever can give me one of their own crazy habits so I don't feel like such a weirdo.


  1. Well, first of all, as someone who's known you a long time, I can vouch for the truth of all of these habits (except the pencil one, I didn't know that).
    As far as coffee goes, it's loaded with caffeine which is the world's most widely consumed psychoactive drug. Like basically all other drugs it's accompanied by tolerance, dependence, addiction and uncomfortable withdrawal. So yeah, it's really not all that great for you.
    Now for my weird habits; I also mutter outloud whenever I'm deep in thought, however my daydreaming isn't accompanied by pacing, fiddling with something in my hand, tilting my head, and sticking my toungue out...so yeah...I'm not as weird as you. I also have a bad habit at picking under my finger nails, which isn't so bad except that I subconsciously try to pick at my boyfriend's finger nails whenever we're holding hands. Also, my entire life I've accidentally used the words "Winter" and "Christmas" interchangeably. One of my most pervasive habits is my innability to do nothing. It's essentially the opposite of your procrastination. I'm constantly trying to be as productive with my time as possible. It can become difficult for me to relax, I always have to be doing something. In fact generally speaking, I have an inability to do just one thing. I try to double if not triple task as much as possible.

  2. You win the award for longest comment on one of my blog posts! Congratulations!

  3. Another bad habit of mine, once I start talking, I can't seem to shut up...no matter how pointless what I have to say is, I just get an uncontrolable urge to say absolutely everything on my mind.

  4. Yah, I learn that everytime you try to tell a story.

  5. I've been meaning to comment on this for a couple days now, ha ha

    I agree with most of these actually! Jen's got this weird habit that she also wears socks all the time. Even to bed. I don't get it either.

    I've also been trying to think of any weird habits that I have, but I can only think of how I usually use the pronoun "We" because I'm just used to talking about both Jen and me. I'm working on changing that though. Ah! Another thing Jen does, which is weird, is that she has to smell cups before she drinks from them. She takes them out of the cupboard, smells them, then she uses them. I laugh at her everytime.

  6. coffee is gross... or at least pure coffee. but i dunnoe, mocha is good, i mean it's just mostly chocolate and sugar, but then again, hot chocolate is better than mocha.
    so i think we have established that
    hot chocolate > mocha > black coffee
    it's BITTER!

  7. I wring my hands in strange ways when I'm concentrating or am otherwise absorbed by whatever I'm watching.

    What I find funny is that in Erika's comment, she only mentions strange habits that Jen has.

  8. I almost always wear a stripey ol' shirt.
    With another human being, I can't really flirt
    Even to save my own skinny skin
    What do those 'signals' even bloody mean?

    But I'll be a player
    If you make my mouth water
    With a fine plate of food
    I won't bother being good.

    I am an uber germ freak
    When I'm in bed sick.
    I kill bugs in my room
    Coz it's hot like Mount Doom .

    Who's the weirdo now?